Yo Mama and the New Economy
by Bee Lavender

In the last year or so I've watched lots of my friends lose their jobs in the so-called High Tech economy. I've read about business after business shutting down, stuffing their post-it notes and dry erase markers into boxes, and locking the door. Most of these businesses lost money; but at the very top, many people also *made* a huge amount of money.

I really missed the boat on this whole New Economy deal. If I had been a little more motivated, maybe I could have been one of the sterling citizens who made a fortune off the internet. Instead of running a service site, a not-for-profit venture, an online parenting zine for people seeking community, I could have lined my own pockets.

If I had just scrambled my business plan together maybe I could have walked away with a few million dollars in my checking account and left investors crying.

I was talking to my friend Yo Mama about the whole situation after we heard of another internet business shutting down. From what we can gather, most of the companies declaring bankruptcy never had an actual product. Yo Mama said, at least they could have pretended to have a product.

When I start complaining about the astounding wastefulness of the last few years, the furniture and cars and clothes and food bought with money earned through pyramid schemes and greed, Yo Mama likes to remind me that Jesus and Gandhi and all the really cool cats took vows of poverty and were most concerned with morality and service.

Yo Mama goes to school full time and barters child care with other student mamas because the student loans don't quite cover housing and food let alone a babysitter.

Yo Mama says she was distracted from being a mogul because she spent too much time calculating the meal options that can be derived from two pounds of lentils, one can of stewed tomatoes, and the few vegetables that can be grown in planters on the patio of the low-income housing project. If Yo Mama had spent a little less time feeding the kids and building grassroots communities, just fathom what riches might have been available.

Last year we heard from a friend in rural Oregon. She said that her case worker gave her a pamphlet with suggestions on how to make ends meet after welfare reform. Now, this friend was another example of a so-called lazy poor person mooching off the system- a displaced homemaker in a rural county with two kids and a debilitating injury, she should have been eligible for child support, child care, medical assistance, and a cash grant. Not to mention rehabilitative services and job placement.

But what was suggested to this friend in the pamphlet from her case worker? That she could go dumpster diving to keep food in front of the kids.

This is an excellent suggestion, and some of my very best friends are gleaners. The only flaw in the plan is that dumpster diving is illegal. But if the government is suggesting the solution, perhaps they have decided to bend all the rules to help people move out of poverty.

Why stop at dumpster diving? Yo Mama has a few other suggestions:

1. Shoplift
Need some medicine or food or clothes for your kids? Just take what you need! Shove it under your shirt and walk out the door. If anyone protests, refer them to your case worker.

2. Steal a car
The secondary market for stolen cars doesn't always match up to value; you might go to great trouble to jack a BMW and find that the only interested buyer is the junkie on the corner, who won't pay more than $50. But hey, that is more cash than you had in your pocket all month! If anyone protests, refer them to your case worker.

3. Deal drugs
Sure, crystal meth is toxic and the house might explode. But there are less dangerous drugs. For instance, you could grow pot or poppies, even on the patio of your low-income housing project. If anyone protests, refer them to your case worker.

4. Get married
Getting married to someone you love might mean that you lose your health insurance and student loan eligibility. It might mean your finacial situation is way worse than before. So forget love and all that romantic nonsense-- find a rich guy and snag him. Worried that he might be stingy, or leave you with nothing? Make sure you are the beneficiary of the life insurance and the will, then kill him. If anyone protests, refer them to your case worker.

Some of our finest folk heroes are pirates and outlaws, but Yo Mama says she can't really support these choices, since she is encumbered with ethical concerns and a natural inclination to obey the law. We both know from our working class childhoods, from the relatives and lovers and friends lost to the system, that poor people can't afford to break the law. Prisons are the real growth industry, cheaper and more tidy than fixing social problems, feeding babies, educating our kin.

Yo Mama agrees with me that instead of making lots of money or working for the loud majority, we should be serving the marginalized moms, the young moms and the poor moms, the punk parents, travelers, vagabonds, thieves, and clowns.

Yo Mama says maybe she'll put the kids to bed early and get back to the law school textbooks. Grassroots organizing might not be the fast track to fame and fortune, and it might not be easy or fun.

But Yo Mama reminds me that when we fall asleep at night, the most important thing is to know that the hard work we do helps the people who need it most.