For those who followed my post birth vagina questions/story, I wanted to post this entry from a man that
I found as an online response to a kind of journal entry in ELLE magazine by a mother who writes about her upset post partum with both the issue of being "roomier" after birth but moreso the silence surrounding any discussion of this. Ultimately what she arrives at in the article once she resumes sex is that sex is actually even better post baby and body changes. But what was really cool was this comment about her article from a dad. And, by the way, I am not w/ the vagina commenter. He did apologize profusely, copped to it being about his defensiveness about his problems, and wrote an "ode" to my vagina. I do believe he is deeply in love w/ me and wants to be w/ me, but nothing can erase that he jabbed at my most precious and hidden and vulnerable part, after I shared and trusted so much with him, while knowing he had a lot of sexual AND other problems. At the least it was a very destructive thing for him to do, and to me shows that he has a lot of conflict about women and I am not going to get into the middle of that.
Anyhow, on to the inspiring man post off ELLE:
"As a man and a father of one son (now 16 months old), I must say I felt a need to respond and offer the male perspective on this subject. My wife was reading the article online and shared it with me. She admitted that she had the same concerns and anxieties relative to her body changing, both inside and out. And, with a GIANT 10 pound, 3 ounce son born naturally, well, things did change. But, not in a bad way. To me, the only thing the pregnancy and birth did was to increase my love and desire for my wife on all levels. Sure, her tummy isn't as hard as it once was and her "cash and prizes" look quite different than before our son. However, she's even more beautiful to me than before which, is admittedly something I couldn't fathom happening before. Sex is just as good (if not better) than before. The feeling is still just as wonderful to each of us. She did have a bit of pain at first but, it is something we took our time and worked through. Now, our intimacy is intense and moving ahead full steam. Our son is 16 months old and given me a new outlook on life and my relationship with my wife (which was always strong). I know that without a doubt, she is stronger, better and a more beautiful person than I can ever hope to be. Women are the stronger sex and I thank you for what you go through to bring life into this world. You're all beautiful in my book. In every way imaginable. I wish you all happiness."
Comments
Aw, what a darling he is
Aw, what a darling he is indeed! Thanks for sharing that.
PS I'm glad your guy wrote an
PS I'm glad your guy wrote an "ode" to your vagina. But, I agree, it's not something you can easily forget. I truly can understand your hesitation in getting serious with him. Keep us posted. For now sending you HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY wishes! Enjoy the day. xoxo
i'm glad you got out of
i'm glad you got out of there. now you and your vag can find someone who loves all of you, the way you are.
"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
thanks all, though I'm not as tough
as I sound, or maybe should be. He sent me an e-mail saying even though we are not together he loves me more than anyone on earth (and I do believe this) and could he do something nice for me for Mother's Day- make a brunch or dinner or ANYTHING. I said no, I don't want to talk to you till be lay out where we are at therapy, I'm mad at you and don't trust you. But then Sun came. My sister is away. My son was sick and home from school 5 days straight last week- up at night and me juggling work and childcare. Sat his dad got remarried, my son was the ring bearer. Ex is unbearably disrespectful to me, but for my son's sake and at his request I helped him make a special wedding gift for his dad and new wife, who joined w/ my ex in being incredibly awful to me last summer when I was trying to get my son who was falling apart a little adjustment period to their new instant family. She, then gf, would show up to pick up my sobbing son who didnt want to leave me, saying "Come on M (my son), we need to make a quick exit out of here..." while rolling her eyes at me, as if my son wanted me because I was evil, not because they threw 3 different moves to 3 different homes and an instant family on him in a 6 mo period. Anyhow, Sat I made them a gift, for my son's sake. And sent his dad a letter saying "I wish you well" on his 4th marriage- ALL for my son's sake. But this shit hurts. And so when N (the ex boyfriend who is kind and loves me a lot) offered to do something Sunday, I finally renegged on my stalwartness. I wanted to plant tomatoes for MOther's Day. I asked him to bring some supplies I could not carry from Home Depot, and carry bags of fertilizer, and help me a bit with my son. So he did. That was that. At least he really gets it WHY I can't commit to him, and he says I am really messed up, and he is now going to his therapist twice a week, and he is really working on his stuff. The problem is, it could be YEARS of work for him to be partner material. ANd I've already waited too long for a good man.
That's the story.
Happy Mother's Day to you all...this was my post yesterday about my mother, on Facebook:
"and to my mother, who taught me to love the earth, who fed me from her garden, who infused in me that having a powerful voice, self, and place in the world was my birthright and non-negotiable. or to quote Jane Eyre, that I need not "sell my soul to buy bliss," or anything else. thanks Mama"