update from a woman who's husband left two months ago

so much to say. life is swirling around me. it is infinitely difficult to hold myself together, much less, to make steps to move forward independently.

i am looking into finding a place of my own.
i have an opportunity for a nice house share with other girl-friends. i think i have realized though that i am not in a place to share a home. i want so much to provide a sense of security and stability for my daughters. i want to feel in control in a space that is mine. i dont feel ready to confront to regular issues of sharing a home. AND... i really want to find a place in a neighborhood that is more safe. there are too many places with SKETCHY neighbors, i dont want that for my girls.
so ... my own place and setting up the future of the property that we own so as to not destroy my credit. HE is moving back to our property when i move out but i am not confident that he can manage the responsibilities.

i am trying so hard to break the emotional ties. this is so very hard. i broke down sobbing when a song came on this morning. it was one of his favorite songs. it seemed to illuminate him so clearly. i sobbed for knowing that. for hearing his soul in a song and wishing this were different.

there is such a great chasm ahead.
uhhgggg

By huck at 07/01/2009 - 2:37am
huck's blog
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Oh Mama!

I have been MIA for too long. I am so very sorry to read all of this. I don't know how you do it, but stay strong mama.

By expat mama at 07/06/2009 - 3:49am
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Thinking of you...

Hey Huck,
I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you and the girls often in the past few weeks. I think you're 100% right to look for a home for just you and the girls. I really hope that you find something perfect. Something that offers stability for the girls and a good community for you.

Have you thought about going to a legal services in your area to get some advice or representation regarding the split and property?

My heart really aches for you. I hope you have some friends to keep you company when you cry and to cover with the girls when you need some quiet.

Peace,
CM

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By CordeetMente at 07/03/2009 - 1:23pm
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oh, huck!

i have been gone too long. i'm so sorry to hear this. sending lots of strength to you!

By Acony Bell at 07/03/2009 - 12:38pm
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Nothing but lots of HUGS

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By Aurinel at 07/02/2009 - 6:31pm
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so sorry

I hope things get better, slowly, as you make your own future for you and your family.

Is moving out and letting him have the house what you want to do?

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By sunflower at 07/02/2009 - 3:35pm
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oh Huck

I'm still thinking of you all the time. Remember that I am not too far if there is anyway I can help...

When my husband and I separated, I had no choice financially but to share a house. You know what, it worked out ok, even if it was far from ideal. If that is something that you have to do, you can make it work. But I know the feeling of wanting to provide the security that your children need. From my experience, they will survive (you know this). The best thing for my kids was routine. As long as they could count on routine, they were ok. It took some time to figure out how to give them the right routine in and out of relationships and houses (some shared), but we got it and you will too.

Don't be hard on yourself for breaking down. Mourning is part of the process of this kind of life change.
Hang in there Huck.

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By meeshel at 07/01/2009 - 4:53pm
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take your time mama. im vibin

take your time mama. im vibin you constantly, peace to your soul mama. much love

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Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss

By denessasma at 07/01/2009 - 12:46pm
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that is so true

I have read that a divorce is just as painful and hard on the body and mind as the death of a spouse. This is such a difficult thing, please be very kind, gentle, and loving to yourself during this time. You are doing such a great job of taking care of yourself and your girls now, I think getting your own place for just you four is a good idea. maybe later, in a year or so, a house-share might work out better.

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By earthgarden at 07/01/2009 - 1:11pm
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