first off congratulations! I was around your age when I had my 3rd. When he was born I was 25, husband was 23, and my older kids were 8 and 3. We made it because we were both college students so just knowing our poverty was temporary was a big psychological boost during the hard scrounging times. At the time we figured we'd only have a year or so before one of us finished, but it actually took 3 more years for my husband to get his degree and me another 7 years (I took off tons of time for a while, then went back 1-2 classes a semester for a while).

During the 3 years it took for my husband to finish his degree he worked 2 jobs at a time to support our family (I worked off and on but mostly took care of the kids), during one grueling stretch he worked 3 jobs: 2 full-time and one part-time. They were all low-wage paying; janitor, pizza delivery guy, factory worker, but they enabled him to keep a roof over our heads, buy food, keep a car, etc. Once he got his degree he was able to teach though it took another year or so before he got a permanent teaching job, but just what he made from substitute teaching was more than what he made working 2 barely above minimum jobs so during the school year that's all he had to work. During the summers he delivered pizzas until he got a permanent teaching job (regular teachers get paid during the summer). When I got my degree I was able to get jobs that paid double what I was making before, and also the fact of my degree was one of the things that enabled me to have my bookstore. When my husband went back to school to get a graduate degree, my working was a big support to our family. When he got his master's that upped his income even more.

So I would say, the two of you make an education plan for you family and stick to it. Afterwards you'll both have marketable skills and make more money. I can't imagine...the drudgery of our lives if we had continued on without education. Working 2-3 jobs for a few years is one thing, for a lifetime of raising kids is another thing entirely. I mean you do what you have to do but life is a lot easier when you only have to work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, as opposed to 12-16 hours 6-7 days a week.

Maybe there is an adult evening plan at the local high school or community college for getting your GED? Once you have that you can go on to advanced training at a college or technical school or whatever. and don't forget to sign up for resources the state offers, like free medical, food stamps, WIC, etc. This can be a hassle but remember it's only temporary. We were able to get WIC and childcare subsidies but they kicked us off food stamps because my husband got a 2nd job, but we just couldn't manage at the subsistence level of the income requirements. So in a way I don't like to even suggest getting state aid because it seems like they try to keep you poor and scrounging...then again this was over a decade ago so maybe the system has changed/improved since then, I don't know.

I just tried to call you! wtf?! call me SOON!!!
also - I KNOW you can do it!

I hope you are under 40... as it is more challenging with age. I remember going through a similar situation some 15 years ago. I had an 8 month old baby in my arms, I was newly married in an iffy marriage, and I was informed that I was indeed expecting a second. I was floored. Beyond floored, but I decided that the baby was a keeper and the husband was not. So,I was on my own with two babies, full-time at university, and digging myself deeper in debt.

Enough of my story, the wisdom of it is, yes there is a way. Commitment to family and co parenting is key. In our most financially difficult times, we still managed, but we never did it on truly low incomes, and we've had family to prop us up at our neediest moments. I am remarried and now have 4kids. I don't recommend four without financial stability however, and lots of sleep. Three, as I say is a beautiful number, and four, well, I'd never give up one of them, but i'd trade a weekend here and there to catch up on rest.

Financial concerns with a family are big stressors. I grew up in a family that always had enough but not a bit more. I didn't want that for my own kids, I want them to have the music lessons, the summer camps and dance classes if they want. things in their lives really don't matter. I'll never bow to name brands, trends or fashion for them, but activites that will enrich thier lives is where I splurge. Right now these activities include growing a garden in our back yard, painting art projects about Vangogh and flowers, and building sand castles at the beach. So, enrichment doesn't have to be expensive, in fact it is often free. But free means that either parent has to have some free time to participate with them, and this also comes at a cost.

If you have any other financial support around you, so that you can lighten your financial worries, then you will be able to enjoy and engage with your kids. THey pick up so much on the money woes of parents, and it isn't good for them, even if they never hear it, they see it in our faces, in how we snap at nothing at all, and how we wear it on our shoulders. I hope you can find a way to make it work.

You may come to a point where training in a field that pays better is an option and a requirement. Debt isn't a bad thing with it leads to an education and that education sets us free in more ways than $, but the $ sure help. Hang in there mama!!!I wish you well, and I hope you live in an affordable part of the world with lots of love and friendship around you to see you and your family through this time of growth. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child.

luna