poop.

I have the same problem only it is with sleeping in his own bed & I am a pushover when I am exhausted & tired of arguing over it. I don't have any really constructive ideas, but you certainly have my sympathy. Maybe when yours poops on the pot & mine is sleeping in his own bed we can PM eachother & celebrate from afar?

I would just wait.
There can be so many weird potty things and eventually your son will poop in a toilet. If he is afraid and begging it may not be worth it.

creepy poop story- skip if you want, it's just that pooping, or not pooping can really fuck shit up:
When my son was in the hospital we shared a room with two different kids (one was three, the other five) who were hospitalized so they could be forced to poop. They put an ng tube in, forced some creepy liquid into their stomaches so they would have to poop and keep on pooping until "they pooped it alllll out" and basically this meant the kids were waiting and their noses hurt and their moms were worried and then they had to poop and poop and poop and both of them had to wear diapers the whole time because they would go uncontrollably so the toilet wasn't an option. Both had to take laxatives every day until they grew bigger (so that the stretched out intestines were the right size to push out poop again - we heard it all through the curtain). Both moms said that their kids didn't like to poop, didn't want to poop, it scared them or hurt them or whatever and then the problem had cycled out of control.
Which is another thing that no one wants to happen and few people can even imagine without hearing about, I mean, who knew?

It sounds like the kind of issue I often have - I love my kid and I have a problem with something he does or doesn't do that isn't hurting me or him or anyone else at all, just doesn't sit right with me or seem "normal". On these things I try try try to just stay out of it and let him be because it's my stuff that is the real problem, not his stuff.

And lastly, could you tell him something like that you have a hard time with it and it's your problem and that you trust him to figure it out and then put the pullups somewhere he can get them, tell him he can do it his way, tell him you will help him learn to wipe or do it for him if he needs it, and then let him try it himself? That way it might not be so in your face and then it's his responsibility, so he can deal with it. This is the type of thing I am doing more lately when we have issues that I have trouble with, but are ok, really. Plus, they'll all grow up to be adults and act like adults by the time they are adults. Pretty much. He won't be pooping in pullups as an adult, or in high school, or junior high, or elementary school. Maybe kindergarten, but even that is unlikely. But yeah, I would just tell him it's ok to do it how he needs to and that I trust him to figure it out - every time i put the responsibility on my kid, he rises to the occasion.
My son is about the same age and they are quirky fabulous little people.

Maybe it's the sitting that bugs him... afraid his dangling penis will flush down the toilet or something? Maybe reverting to a small, non scary potty like one of those single moulded bjorns where he can just go in a corner and squat instead of the pullup? The good news is, that this is just the last phase of potty training and soon it will all be behind you.

I'll share our story so you'll now you're not alone, but of course every kid is different so what finally helped us may not work for you. My son pooped and peed in diapers at 4. I kept trying to encourage him to use the potty, and he would get hysterical. I frequently got frustrated and angry. Finally, I realized I had to make the changes to what he was used to so incremental that he didn't noticed them. I had been putting on the diaper, and then he would go to the bedroom to poop. The first change was that I calmly told him that from now on, he would go in the diaper in the hall outside the bathroom. We did that for a week. And then a week of inside the bathroom door. Then we eventually worked our way to standing on a small stool in front of the toilet, and then we did a week or to of "practicing" sitting, which meant briefly touching his butt to the seat before going. Then we finally managed sitting on the toilet in the diaper. Then I started cutting a hole in the diaper. I made it small at first, but gradually bigger. Eventually, he was going on the toilet like a normal person, but with a sort of diaper belt on, which it took him a long time to give up. From when we started the process to when we were completely diaper free took about 7 months. I can't tell you how proud I am that I finally figured out how to help my son, and that I stayed calm and patient the whole time. Good luck -- you do know that your son won't poop in diapers forever, and I'm sure you'll find the key soon.

Wow! You are such a smart, patient mom.

What a wonderful way to get the job done and still keep your kid's emotions ok. Heck, I'm proud of you !

I once worked with a physical therapist that did some sort of adjustment for kids that were bound up like that, it worked so well they came in quarterly. I just can't imagine... an NG tube... how friggin awful!

He would only poop in a diaper even though he was completely potty trained with pee.
He's in kindergarten and still holds it, but will go at home.
The hard part is they hold it and that's not good. However, the story below about forcing them to poop sounds horrific.

He'll get there. maybe try some different potty chairs or rewards?

Is there anyone around him that has got some shame about pooping? When we were first potty training ds, things were pretty fine, but I had an aversion to the word "poop," and preferred to say "shit." I think that there was a little shame there (cause I grew up with that) and even when I changed the word, the "vibe" of shame was still there for a little while and that caused some difficulty early on (around the 2 year marker). We ended up putting the book, "Everybody Poops" right next to his potty and we would read that to him while he was sitting there. It helped for both of us.

He was potty trained by 24 months, and things seemed to be fine, but then, about 6 months ago he got a new teacher in his school and after he would poop, he would look at it and say, "that's DISGUSTING." This started a whole new level of shame with his bathroom habits and I had to go and talk to the school about this.

Pooping is totally natural, but for some reason, more members than not of our community have shame issues around it and kids feel this more than any words that are said on top of it. I would look at the signals that he's receiving from the adults in his life and try and counteract that.

Also - when you say that you have tried a lot...I know that you are putting 'positive' energy into it, but that's still a lot of energy getting put into getting him to do this. This is all about HIS dignity, right? Which means it's all about his worthiness for respect in the larger picture. When you use charts and stars and all of that stuff to try and get him to do something he's not comfortable with, do you think it could be sending a signal that he gets rewarding for increasing YOUR dignity? Because I can see feeling that way with some of the stuff my parents did with me, and it's not about the kid anymore, it's about the parent. Not saying that's the case for you, but when I read this, I just saw all of that energy being put into his pooping, and that would make me feel kind of scared to go.

Have you read "What is 'unconditionality'" by Scott Noelle? Sometimes when I am feeling like I'm in a total rut with ds I go back and read that:
http://www.scottnoelle.com/parenting/unconditional.htm

I don't think it has to be about who gives in - I think it can be about you both maintaining your separate dignities and peace of minds. If he wants to poop in pull ups, I don't see the problem with that, but he should be responsible for that too, since he's 4. Maybe you can keep a stack of the pull ups in the bathroom where he can get to them (taking the pressure off of his having to ask), as well as a stack of cloths that he can wet down and wipe with after he has used to pull-up. I would teach him where to dispose of it when he is done too. This puts him in charge of his own pooping experience, and lets him decide, each time, how he wants to do it and the amount of work that he wants to do. That way, you don't need to feel like you've given in at all - and he does all the work. When he's ready to stop using them, even if he's 7, then that's fine, right? It's his poop and his body, and his choice. I'm sure he has a backpack...he can carry his own "poop gear" when you guys go out if necessary??

And I know that the Daily Groove can be somewhat New Agey, but it's helped me a lot. I thought that this "receiving mode" might be good too:
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/receiving-mode-2
"Fundamentally the markswoman aims at herself" DT Suzuki

at least that's what happened with my friend's kid who was exactly the same way. he started school and there were rules at school about what kids that still needed diapers could and couldn't do, and he decided on his own that getting to go on field trips etc was worth pooping in the potty. the issue just disappeared one day after more than a year of constant struggle about it. until then i love SQ's suggestion to just give him the responsibility/control over his pooping- once pull ups aren't forbidden fruit they might lose some of their appeal. good luck!!