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on betrayalSubmitted by shadeshaman on Mon, 10/06/2008 - 7:25pm.
I was helping my kid with a Psych paper, and ended up reading some study about acute PTSD in military personnel, and I came across a new term, DESNOS (disorder of extreme stress not otherwise specified): symptoms of somatization (physical complaints without apparent physical sources), dissociation, hostility, anxiety, alexithymia (a state of deficiency in understanding, processing, or describing emotions), social dysfunction, maladaptive schemas, self-destruction, and adult victimization. Also, strong reactions to betrayal, and hypovigilism (as opposed to being hypERvigilant, as one often sees with classic PTSD). Especially when it comes to betrayal. I cannot understand it, and it makes me fucking apeshit pissed off when it happens. Found also on the interweb that DESNOS symptoms pretty much accurately describe adult women who are sex abuse survivors, and, if a person has DESNOS crap going on, there's kinda no point in that desensitization type of therapy, cuz it just makes it worse. Haven't found if anyone has figured out what kind of therapy works on the DESNOS. Of course, the betrayal thing makes sense, because sex abuse IS betrayal. I think, for me, that understanding betrayal would be really helpful. Like, I know what the word means, and I can identify when it has happened, but I don't understand the underlying mechanism. shadeshaman's blog | login or register to post comments | email this page | printer friendly version
is your limbic system. EMDR has been anecdotally very successful with DESNOS, as is SSRI medication. i was speaking of the underlying mechanism re:betraying someone. Not the mechanism for understanding, or for DESNOS, per se, KWIM?
i tend to be competely sideswiped by betrayals of any kind, because i always assume that people will feel the same way that i do; that is, that they would never be able to hurt me because *I* would never be able to hurt *THEM* and live with myself afterward. for example, when BD cheated on me when i was pregnant, i had a strong feeling that there was something going on. i pushed it away and dismissed it, though, and alot of the reason why was because i'd end up thinking "he can't be cheating on me. he acts way too normal. someone who cheated on their pregnant girlfriend would never be able to act so casual and innocent. they'd collapse in hysterics under the weight of all the guilt." um, WRONG! maybe that would be how i would feel about betraying someone, but the bottom line is that there's no accounting for others' morals and actions. you never know what someone is capable of doing, or whether their conscience will eventually make them realize their mistakes. it sucks. it has always been so hard (nearly impossible, actually) for me to accept this fact. i'm not sure where my issues with trust/betrayal stem from; it could be my dad leaving when i was a little girl, it could be the drunk, abusive step-dad i grew up with, it it could be some of my early relationships with boyfriends (they were all mostly cheaters). even writing this gives me a funny feeling in my stomach right now. i'll never understand how people can do the things they do to each other, and it fucks with me on a major level. Me, too! I just don't get it. I think it's an extreme kind of self-absorption. People who cheat only think of the world in terms of their own selves. They can't see how it might affect other people. They might be concerned about getting "caught", but they don't consider how devastating their actions might be in relation to those around them. Sometimes I think that people who act like this don't really consider other people to be PEOPLE.
yeah, me neither. At work, you think of the children you have left at home. At home, you think of the work you've left unfinished. Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent. cool. At work, you think of the children you have left at home. At home, you think of the work you've left unfinished. Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent. I need to chew on it and get back to you, but I wanted you to know I'm reading and to thank you for this
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they don't think of themselves as predators, or evil or bad people of any kind...they see themselves as victims. So they sleep easy at night because they don't feel they've committed a wrong so much as they feel wrongs were committed against them. any kind of betrayal, it usually comes down to that. You (or the world, lotta times their sense of victimization runs that deep) did something to them or they feel you did something to them, so they are just getting you back, with the betrayal. It's often not even *you* personally, but who/what they think you represent they are striking back against. and it's often not even something they think about on a self-aware level.
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