=depression. It's happened a few times. Often I don't even recognize it for what it is until it's gone one day. He gets depressed when he doesn't get sex. When he doesn't get sex he gets cranky. I've had periods of time where all I could do is eat chocolate and maintain the house. Every time I miscarry there are months and months where I'm in a fog. And he barely gets any nookie. Every time I worry that he's gone too far and we can't bridge the gap again. But we have, every time! It just takes a little something. Usually a date, hanging out for many hours without the kid. At some point it will just click and I'll think; ohhhh - I forgot! I actually really like this dude! And I would totally date him all over again, I would marry him all over again, I would be friends with him all over again. That reminder of who we were before; who we are aside from being DS's parents; that helps me stay connected to him. I would be with him even if we didn't have this kid. If you can't get a sitter for all three kids at the same time, maybe have a date night at home. Work on a project together after the kids go to sleep. Something fun! Build a sculpture. Paint something. Find a cool project in MAKE or CRAFT or Instructables that you both would dig. Map out your garden for next year (you guys have a yard, right?). If you co-sleep with the kids; some night make a bed elsewhere for you guys, maybe build a fort (hehe) or a tented off area, prepare all you will need to be comfortable and just hang out together. Massage, drink some wine, hang out naked. If you don't co-sleep with the kids, all that will be easier, just turn your room into a sex lair (or sensual lair) if you don't want sex (candles, toys, lotion or massage oil, and/or any props of your choice that are not too cheesy for your taste). If you're worried that he's not going to be into it; tell him you're feeling the need to reconnect with him; you've been busy and stuff with the new baby and like he's been neglected by you (even if really you're feeling neglected by him - chances are it's going both ways and he would like the ego stroking which would be re-visted on you).

My New Year's Resolution last year was to introduce something new once a month. Either something we haven't done or something that we hadn't done in so long that we'd nearly forgotten about it.

It's added a bit of spark back to be sure.

For Hal and I, we drop the kids off with my MIL and either go out or come home and just spend time sans the kids once a week. And I realize this is quite a luxury. We get-it-on maybe once a week (Hal would like more but right now, I have a hard time with just once a week because I'm so tired all the time). And our once a week takes a lot for me to just get into it because I'm tired. Sometimes, I go through the motions in the first few minutes and then find myself getting turned on and into it for the rest. And then sometimes, I am like, "THINK NASTY THOUGHTS! And get on with it!"

Hal and I have given ourselves the space to ebb and flow with our sex lives. When our sex is less, we focus on communication, affection, and in general, appreciating one another. Its not methodical, but when the ebb is going on for longer than usual, we do talk about the lack of sex and how it makes us feel - even when we're okay with it.

For dh, I do like to give it to him at least once a week because I notice his mood gets pissy when he has gone more than two weeks without it. Its like all his aggression is relieved with that orgasm. However, if he isn't so lucky and we go like a month, I totally expect him to masturbate to relieve himself! Which, he prolly does anyway, all the time. I know I masturbate more than we have sex!

So, don't worry too much about it. Its great that you and your dh talk about it. And sometimes, it is okay to do it when you don't "feel" like it - it's a gift to your dh, one that he totally appreciates! It is a loving gift.

PS: I think when young children who are not in school full time are involved, it is inevitable to have less sex. Once our kids are in school, we'll have more energy in general, ya know? Let the relationship be where it needs to be while the kids are this young, don't worry about attaining the perfect balance right now, its important to just do what you can do and ask for help on the rest. The fire will come again, give it time. When the love is there, it is inevitable.

"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong."

- Laura Stavoe Harm

I think sex itself is the best aphrodisiac--so maybe start to go through the motions, without "trying" too hard, and see what happens!

"Harold loves Maude. Oh, and Maude loves Harold!"

or break open the dam
and at least talk about the situation
when the Mr. and I haven't done it for a while we usually start joking around about some thing or another relating to it and it seems to relieve some of the pressure.
don't worry it will come back...
I hope:)

we've got to let love rule
~l. kravitz

-I give what I want to get, like if I want affection, I show him affection

-I compliment him on something. He's a great guy and does so many things for me, our children, the household, but I don't always notice it or give him any credit

-I flirt with him a lot and tell him how good he's looking

-sex stuff; I try new things

-I do something physical that's not sexy, like rub his feet or massage his shoulders when he's just beat. You will be repaid tenfold for this one

-once a week, I make sure we spend alone time together; have a date. a lot of times this means we just hang out in the back yard and chill, but sometimes we'll go to a show or something.

my mama blog
Wherever there is a human being there is an opportunity for kindness. ~Seneca