The other night when Hal came home from work, he did an extra-special groping in honor of his attraction to me because I wear sweat pants and T-shirts. Apparently, business casual just doesn’t do it for my husband. He likes a women dressed in materials that grip her body in the most gawd-awful ways. The better to grope you in, my dear.

Grope away, my love. Just don’t touch the tits.

I just can’t, and wonder if I ever will again, see my boobs as a sexual object. They have a whole new meaning and life, now that I’ve nursed two children with them. I can’t even stand for Hal to look at them, much less touch em’. Maybe after a few months _or years_ of not nursing, I’ll let him touch again.

Is this the kind of post that makes you cringe, dear?

Speaking of tits and nursing…

Today, I nursed Bella while she was naked and she wasn’t scratching. This is the first time that has ever happened. She was more interested in playing with the nipple she wasn’t nursing on and poking at my nose. I was almost in tears looking at her smooth white skin. The moment lasted a lifetime. I couldn't stop smiling and laughing with her. It was so cool! She still has eczema and still itches often, just NOTHING like she used too. She can even run around naked for about 10 minutes before I have to get her dressed because of the scratching. (Note to self: must record on video camera, Bella naked AND happy.)

[1]

Lets recap: I had two doctors (pediatrician and allergist) tell me that I should (and would) need to formula feed because of Bella's eczema. This happened when Bella was 4 months old and again at 13 months. Then, I also had certain family members who have never looked highly upon me nursing and blamed my lack of quality parenting FOR Bella's suffering. Her weight gain was an issue for her pediatrician who scared me with her concern [2] (scroll down to: A little scare… then, ah humbug…). And for a while it seemed like her skin would never clear up.

All this makes me extra proud to have continued nursing. I was never opposed to formula if needed (just a little scared of it), but in my opinion (mine and Hal’s alone) it was better to continue nursing through the allergies than to give up on my milk, introduce formula, and possibly cause future issues for Bella [3] (more allergies, asthma, auto-immune disorders, obesity, ect.).

When Hal was in research mode on what to do with Bella and her food intake, he came across a support group for parents with children who have eczema. Throughout all the threads, just about every parent said they wished they would have nursed their children despite being told to formula feed. They kept advising other parents to continue nursing, “…even if your breast milk is causing the break out.” That always stuck with me. Intuitively, it makes more sense.

I understand how scary it is to see your child suffering with eczema and want to go with the quick fix of a low/no allergen formula. I understand that sometimes it is absolutely necessary to do this and I really do have a lot of compassion for the mom’s who made that choice (especially when it was a difficult choice). And for the moms who didn’t have to think twice about it? It is you that I envy. Your confidence that everything will turn out just fine is something to honor.

For me, and my baby, I’m happy that we continued breast feeding. It worked out for us. I’m so proud of this little life accomplishment mostly because it feels like I had to walk against the grain for it and because everything has turned out alright.

[4]

Hal came upon the information that *we* needed to make the best choice for our family. I kept a close ear to my intuition and the information that supported my heart, kept coming in.

Bella eats pretty well, healthier than Max...

Breakfast: one of the following depending what I feel like making: bananas, other fruits (what-ever we have on hand), rice cake with sunflower butter and jam, home fried potatoes, Ricera [5], and sometimes we have an allergen free cereal but those are expensive so usually not.

Snack: any one of the breakfast items that she didn’t eat.

Lunch: beans (pinto, black, kidney, lentil, or garbanzo, lima - sometimes more than one type) with rice, broccoli (or some form of green veggie diced small), carrots, onions, garlic and spices. I also add some kind of oil like flax or avocado. And if I add just the right amount, she’ll eat a mashed up avocado in her chili concoction.

Snack: what-ever breakfast food she hasn’t already eaten. Sometimes, I’ll take the kids to Chick-Fil-Lay and give her their French fries. They cook them in peanut oil so she does get a little itchy after eating them. However, I do want to introduce allergens to her in small amounts so that her body can get used to them, slowly. I have reintroduced some of her allergens into my diet so she’s getting them in small doses through nursing, too.

Dinner: she’ll eat the same as lunch or I’ll make a new chili concoction with different spices.

Dessert: fruit or sometimes I’ll give her sorbet.

Now, one may think she is lacking variety. To that I say, what toddler isn’t? I’m content knowing that the variety that is there, is all whole foods. I wish I could say the same for Max. Everything Bella eats (even the fast-food French fries. She needs the fat in her diet!) has nutritional value that has very little, if any, processing. Go Bella!

The last piece of goodness I want to share is my shear delight in driving alone, The Even’s CD turned up loud, the song, Mt. Pleasant Isn't, comes on and a cop pulls up next to me at the red light. Since I was sans the kids, I blasted it loud. Don’t know if he heard, but enjoyed the idea of the possibility that he did. A little punk rock oozing from a white mini-van can't be a bad thing! Here is a little taste of one of my favorite bands: