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Am I too critical of my daughter?Submitted by urbanearthmama on Fri, 07/11/2008 - 7:47pm.
I am afraid I am too critical of my daughter. I'm a pretty critical person, I'll admit, I try not be, but I am. She is 7 1/2 going on 13, and I love her her to death--but she can drive me crazy. Where is the line between helping her act appropriatly and being too critical? urbanearthmama's blog | login or register to post comments | email this page | printer friendly version
"Yo, wussup wit chew mama?" I'll pop a blood vessel. Is it because she 7.5 and using *that* voice bothers you more than if she actually were 13? I really think our kids learning that certain *speak* is not acceptable all places is a good lesson. That said, they do like to experiment and play with voices/attitudes and my guess it's normal. If my cracker ass kids ever come home trying to talk like they are all gangster I think I would double over laughing and have to have them proove how hard they are. Nothing dorkier and more tragic then white kids from little pockets of priveleged and sometimes rural areas all of a sudden wanting to come off like hardasses. I think next time I see one, I am going to ask if I could take a picture with one so I can say I met a real live thug. Then I am going to remind them that if they were the real deal they shouldn't be out walking in the park, they should be orchestrating some drug deals whilst on house arrest. "Nothing dorkier and more tragic then white kids from little pockets of priveleged and sometimes rural areas all of a sudden wanting to come off like hardasses." It's like, tuck in your shirt, go back to your private school, and just settle down, kiddo. At my local playground here in Queens, I see Polish teens doing the "yo, was'up" thing all the time, and calling each other the N word as they play basketball. It's really weird. I have no idea what you are talking about, but you have piqued my curiosity. I want a better example, all I can think of is Pauly Shore. BUT: Thank you for not wanting bratty kids that we have to put up with, I appreaciate that.I see parent's going wrong and infecting our society with rotten kids is by trying to be too lenient, too cool, too hip and just not letting their kids have the privelege of being a part of a family that has a purpose, goals and values. There is nothing wrong with exercising traditional modes of parenting, and letting your child ( IMO) know that "WE don't do that." Thats right, we. A simple, "In OUR family we like to________" You see what I am getting at, like an example could be " In our family if we sign up for something, balet, soccer, squaredancing, snipe shooting ect we finsih it." I think thats a good, easy soloution. In my family, my teenage daughters don't wear bikinis uncovered, and we don't take toys away from children in the sanbox, my sons will open doors for women and mow the lawns of the elderly. I think alot of families need to discuss what important to them on a whole, why thats important and what they are trying to communicate to other people. And this is where it all starts. Kids WANT to feel like they are a part of SOMETHING and when their parents are either too self absorbed or too anxious about comming off as strict, ( which unfortunatly has the same results) they are left hanging and looking for identity, and something to merge with and thats could end up very well being the girls in middle school that are using Paris Hilton as a role model. I know this seems like quite a jump, but I am all about boundaries and pride myself on being a strict parent that is just on my kids all the time, especially how my kids conduct themselves and express themselves and I see a BIG diffrence in public with mine. Plus if your kid is walking around sounding stupid, they need you! I mean if I was walking around with a huge booger hanging out of my nose, I would hope you would tell me instead of me going down the street nodding and smiling with a good ol' hanger. AND: You get to make the rules cus you are the mom! My mom didn't let me play with gum. It had to be in my mouth and not wrapped around my finger, strung out, ect. There was also a certain length of mall bangs that was unacceptable. And I think i turned out okay and her sitcom voice is part of it--but you said is really it. She doesn't want to be annoying anymore than I want her to be, but I don't want to be unkind in my addressing it.KWIM? This is how I would deal with that in my family. "Kayla, come here. I really do love being a mother! Its the best thing on earth! And do you know what really makes my heart sing? Is that I get all these compliments about how articultate you are! Do you know what articulate means? It means, that you have a neat way of expressing yourself. You chose your words carefuly, and it sounds cool! Like when you used that new word 'octogenarian' that you learned at school or using the word 'yellow' instead of ' cowardly'. Talking is so neat, isn't it? But you know whats just as important as the words we choose? Our tone of voice! Remember last week when I had a bad day at work, and then the dog got into the garbage AND tracked poop into the house, and then we had dinner and I wasn't mad at you and Daddy but you guys weren't comfortable because I wasn't using my normal content voice, and dinner was pretty crappy and I had to apologize and keep telling you I was really mad at the dog? Well thats kind of what happens when you talk like this ( insert imitation) sometimes people will think that you are being sassy and condescending to them and you don't want them to feel like that, do you? No? Of course not! We go out of our way in our family to show people respect as much as we can, don't we? Thats important to us. Thats kinda like how I was when I was mad at the dog and came home late from work, you knew I wasn't mad at you but you still felt uncomfortable, didn't you? And that was wrong of me to act that way and thats why I kept apologising, see? besides if you are getting bored talking like that, you can always talk like : ( and I would start doing russian accents, plug my nose and be extra nasely, use a 'monsterish' voice, start talking with an extreme east coast accent) eventualy making my kid laugh and play along and making my message light hearted, relatable and still giving her the impression that it stops today. I'm adding this to my brain-file of future tactics. You've done so much thinking about parenting and your philosophy, patty -- I'm really impressed...round here, we just try to avoid flying objects. You are awesome Pattycakes! You must have been destined to be a mother! you seem to have it all figured out, pattycakes! i like it. i cannot wait until my kid is old enough to try this on! "you know, babe, what i really love so much about you is how you usually do NOT flush my jewelry down the toilet," etc. Oh god, this is a huge issue in my house. I never know if I'm being too critical or too easy on my kid. He's 11. Of course I want him to act a certain way.... and of course it's not going to happen. I'll catch myself if on a certain day most of my conversation with my kid consists of me saying "stop that" or correcting him in some way, then I know it's ME who needs to change instead of him. |
I've often worried what I would do when we get to the lame tv voice stage. really, when I found out I was having a girl, this was a big concern. You're doing a great job and being so thoughtful about it.