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Partying, MIL stuff, and visiting the past.Submitted by peculiar old bird on Fri, 07/11/2008 - 3:12pm.
We have had family in town all week and whew, I have been getting my drink ON. I’ve drank and smoked (cigarettes, people. I’m a social smoker when drinking) three times this month. Whoa, call me a party girl. When I start to question whether or not I should be enjoying my life in this way, I think to myself, “It’s July, its family, and my children are safe.” Hal doesn't drink and is my solid companion in all aspects of parenting. He supports my drinking because of its fringe benefits to him. And because he likes to see me having a good time outside of daily life. You know what they say... a happy mama makes a happy family. Or something like that. I know its healthy for me to let loose every-now-and-then, but I can’t help but to be conscientious about becoming dependent on drinks and smokes for camaraderie. Not that I think I will, but I like to keep shit in check. I never want to go back to the days when I needed to have a drink to enjoy my “night out.” I like having a life that doesn’t involve “needing” a drink to unwind and relax. I don’t begrudge any one else’s desire for a stiff drink or beer at the end of a hard day, just don’t want that for myself. Sometimes I think I think tooooooo much about everything I do. Ya think? Its not even that I try, it just happens. Hey, but then I move on. Although I have been careful to not get sloppy drunk (which I find gross and would be embarrassed for myself to be seen that way - sorry, little bit of snobbery there)… I have noticed that the day following my family Drink-On(s) I have been pretty cranky and impatient towards Max. For a couple weeks there, I was in a good space with my boy: enjoying his company, interacting a lot, communicating well, playing and such. After my first night of drinking at my cousin's wedding, whoa. He got on my nerves the next day like nobody ever should. I was curt and impatient. I yelled at him too much. This has happened twice this month. So today (because I had a few last night with our relatives visiting from Utah and California. We all went out for dinner, sans the 9 kids between us 3 couples. Wow.), I’m sticking to staying as close to in the moment as possible. This way of being always makes for a pleasant day with kids. A couple more days and they will all be gone. And then Hal and I will have to deal with the wrath of my MIL, once again. Especially since we didn't let them take Max to Disney and won't be going to Universal Studios on Saturday with them, either. Hey, its to fucking hot. I can understand an out-of-state'er wanting to go to these places in the dead of summer. But a FLORIDIAN??? No thank you. Fuck-you-very-much. So yeah, because we don't want Max to go to these places without us (he's only 3 years old for crying out loud) and because when they go, they stay from OPEN TO CLOSE, we are evil bad hateful abusive parents. Oooooooh well. We can live with that. OH lord, I just got myself started... my MIL talked to Max about going to Disney EVEN AFTER SHE KNEW HE WOULDN'T BE GOING. She's crazy, it is true, but come'on. Why on Earth would you want to hurt your grandson by rubbing it in that he wasn't going? We ended up having a lovely fun day with his Aunt She-she who is a Floridan living in Utah and isn't' dumb enough to go to a theme park in Florida this time of year. He didn't need to know anything other than what we were doing. When MIL got home she said, I AM SO GLAD MAX DIDN'T COME WITH US. Apparently, Max's 3 y/o cousin who went with them had melt down after melt down. Duh. Mommy knows best. Bitch. Done now. All in all, it has been a wonderful summer with family and life and love. This weekend, I'm going to visit with my late friend Monica's boyfriend, Ian. I'll be the first person to go through her stuff and pick what I want to keep. I've known about this opportunity for the past year and finally feel strong enough to take Ian up on it. I just can't believe that none of her family members have done it already. I feel honored to be the first (outside of Ian) and in a way, know she would have wanted it this way. Also, the Christmas before she died, she made Hal and I a present. Its a DVD of her talking to us. I don't know what is on it. She didn't give it to us because we weren't talking at the time. The present is still wrapped. The other family members who received a similar personalized DVD of her said it was like she knew she would be leaving us soon. I'm excited and scared shitless to be ready for this, but I'm taking the leap anyway. peculiar old bird's blog | login or register to post comments | email this page | printer friendly version
good for you for sticking to your guns. You rock. best wishes for the stuff-sifting. That's a hard thing to do. But it'll be a good thing I think. *hugs*
Hugging you back, lunarmama. "We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." - Laura Stavoe Harm fucking monster in law! she don't know when to quit! the boner: she should't have told him/reminded him about the dis! the positive: you handled it like a pro, and so did max! he's only 3, had fun and wasn't bothered by her. monica - i think it's great that you're going over there, you were right to wait until now. i suspect that you were meant to be the only one/first one to go. she wanted it this way, you're special to her and she loves you, always. i also think it's going to come full circle, seeing her things and getting to spend some time with ian. this will be healing for everyone. my heart is with you, things are falling into place. try not to worry about the occasional drink/smoke - all women/mother's (especially!) need to cut loose. like it's totally mandatory that we do this! i mean it. forever, dc the asian le femme nikita with an open heart chakra! *whew!* what you said about monica touched me to tears and then i got a quick laugh after reading what you said about smoking/drinking. ian called last night and said he had a rare opportunity to take darren (his and monicas 8 year old boy) to orlando for universal studios this weekend and didn't want to pass it up. a relative offered to pay their way. i totally understood but was a little disappointed. he could tell and felt bad. he seemed to know how important this is for me to go through her stuff and see them. we had to reschedule but hey, i've waited a year, what's two more weeks? all in good time. "We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." - Laura Stavoe Harm i can understand your dissapointment, but try not to worry/be too thrown off or concerned about this. in all of my reading, channeling, psychic awareness, i've learned that the people who pass never leave us. allison dubois is the best source for this info! she's there with you, everyday. you can strengthen that bond by talking to her and reaching out to her. i recently put up more pictures of my buddy Paloma, in my home. she died back in 2001 when i was pregnant with mars. i love her so much! the more i spoke to her (not just in the hard times) the easier it got to pick up on her energy. i asked her to go with skye to job corps and watch over him, etc. she has. i keep a picture of her at my desk and smile at it throughout the day, she likes that. when i'm really in a pinch, i ask for her help, she's great at sending a sign, etc. i don't think that i could have channeled nearly as well or at all, without her help. every award i win for movie making will be dedicated to her. i know that you're still in the grieving process, i feel bad about this. it took me at least 4-5 years to really turn the corner on paloma's death. it won't take you nearly as long, you have the ability to heal faster than i can. going through her things will be the most rewarding sensation you've ever felt, i can promise you this. things are coming full circle, it couldn't have happened any sooner. that might sound crazy, but she really wants you to have her favorite items, i'm sure that you'll find some gems tucked away just for you. ian sounds so cool, and even though it changed the plans for you to come, i'm glad that he's branching out and having fun with darren. it sounds like he's on the right path for himself, and moving forward with monica's love and encouragement/blessing. she loves all of you very much. i have a good friend named lisa, her mother died about 5-10 years ago before i met her. she comes to visit me often, and i'm certain it's because she knows how close i am to her daughter. she started coming to me way before i even met lisa. i've opened up more to this side of channeling, it's important to encourage people to live their dreams even when a loved one has died. it's what they would want for us. thanks for listening - i'm glad that you're feelig better about the partying! it's nice to cut loose and have fun! forever - your friend, c. the asian le femme nikita with an open heart chakra! *whew!* Oh, Monica, Oh POB, oh damn! Great post. You are such a good mom. One day, I know i will have a drink or two or three with you, I just know it! MIL, what the eff? You need to start your own website for DIL's that need a support group! Its like reading a sitcom- like ever watch Roseann- remember her mother? Thats who I picture. "You know, M its really a sad thing that a little boy can't go to Disney Land with his grandparents who will probably be dead soon..." driven there carseat less with maybe some Mc D's on the way. Shes too much! Good God. You trooper you! LOL!!!! OH my, you had me laughing hard this morning! thanx PC. "We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." - Laura Stavoe Harm we need funding and expense accounts -- the hipmama DILs to nutcases support group. We'll stay at fancy hotels and charge fruity drinks and good scotch to our rooms and sit by the pool all day and smoke and p/o the yuppies. my MIL is a total nut. total. nut. case. well, yeah! mother knows best when it comes to disney in the summer heat...good for you for standing your ground. seems like a middle of the "winter" kind of trip to me! thank you b&b, you brought a tear to me. a good tear. i remember talking with you on the phone and not being able to hold my shit together. thank you for sticking by me on this healing journey called grieving. "We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." - Laura Stavoe Harm I definitely hear you on the drinking thing. Here lately I've been "obstaining" from my normal group of friends and social activities because there was too much alcohol involved, and I was being such a shit to my kid the following day. It's tough striking a balance between letting loose and coming back to being present in the moment. Sounds like loads of fun with the fam, though. I hope you can find some healing by sorting through your friend's things. Grief is such a delicate and complex process. Good luck. (Also, "Duh. Mommy knows best. Bitch." made me LOL. Literally.) lol! i have to laugh, too, when i go back and read that line. so saucy i am. it is tough striking a balance between drinking and responsibilities. but surprisingly easier than pre-kids. now, i feel like a have the best reason to go home early. "We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." - Laura Stavoe Harm I think it is great to read you thinking in print because i do that alot too. I don't really have anything to add or comment but i just wanted you to know that i read what you wrote and found it interesting. |
It'll be over soon! You are doing a great job.
It sounds like the alcohol is working your liver a little too bit, and some anger/frustration is coming out. When that happens to me, I try to stick to some cooling foods to help out my body...stuff like bamboo shoots, spinach, celery, millet, mushrooms, pumpkin, snow peas, string beans, sweet potatoes, rice, turnips, melons, etc...
Sending you love!
"Fundamentally the markswoman aims at herself" DT Suzuki