hi, hip mamas, i hope you're all having a great holiday weekend so far. i want to make sure you guys know that we're doing okay these last couple of days and that things are actually feeling somewhat manageable... imagine that!!

i also want to reiterate how beautiful it is to me that you are all so committed to supporting the women in this community. to have so many people let me know that they care about me and monkeygirl is such a stunning example of the true power of this site. i've mentioned in some PMs lately that by responding so supportively to my post about being overwhelmed, you have all taken away what is (for me) the HARDEST part about being a single mama: feeling alone. you have made me realize that i will never be alone as long as i have the good sense to come to the mamas here when i have something on my mind.

i want to thank you all for your offers to send us money to help us get by. but, like i said earlier, i could never in good conscience accept money from women who have already given me so much in their friendship. i am touched beyond words at your concern and hope that you all know how much this means to me. i have applied for a grant from modest needs and hopefully that will come through for us soon. i also received a $160 child support check in the mail today.... holy shocktarts, batman! it's been a while since i've seen one of those little guys, i almost didn't recognize it. it's funny how it came right when i most needed it to...all your vibes must have worked to make that happen!! so daycare is paid for this week and i have a little leftover for gas, groceries, and a small amount to put toward my electric bill. if i can convince them to give me a couple extra days i think i'll be able to avoid getting shut off, yay!

i spoke to my landlord again, and unfortunately he's totally crazy. he thinks i have the money to pay rent for june/july and am just withholding it for some reason...WTF!?!?!? i don't even have the energy right now to rant about how fucked up and psychotic that is, so all i'll say is DUDE, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SEE A DOCTOR--YOU ARE FUCKING NUTS. i promised him that i will try to put as much as i can toward rent every friday when i get my paychecks. if i can manage a couple hundred (or a little more) a week i'll eventually catch up. he didn't promise me anything, but as long as i'm giving him something i don't think he'll bother going through the eviction process as a friend just explained to me how lengthy and expensive that would be for him. on tuesday (my first day off when state/town offices will be open) i'm going to look into getting section 8 housing assistance.

ahhh, the wonderful feeling of breathing normally and (whoa-!) NOT cyring! i'm feeling a bit more in control of my life, and am trying to stay focused on the positive things around us. i really think i will be able to fix our money problems, a little bit at a time. i have so much determination to get us out of this mess, and with all of you fine bitches behind me there'll be nothing that can stop me!

i'm going to start sorting out all my options about going back to school soon. you ladies have given me ALOT of info that is so helpful... i can't thank you enough. it's time for me to move on to the next phase of my life, the one where i figure out exactly what it is i'm here to do, and you've helped me see that i'm ready. i am looking forward to being in a classroom again and cant wait until i figure out how do this!! if i start soon i'll be a 28 year old freshman, holy crap.

i'll quit blahblahing in a second, but i also want to take a minute to recognize that there are so many other women, here at HM and everywhere else, that are in my situation and IT PISSES ME OFF. it is not right that our sisters, mothers, friends, and co-workers are working their asses off to support their families and are STILL falling alseep at night fearing that they won't be able to afford groceries, let alone rent. how is it that we've become a society full of invisible poor women?? how are so many of us "falling between the cracks" unnoticed?? i pray that someday mamas everywhere will have the opportunity to not only make ends meet, but to go beyond that and even have the opportunity to become fulfilled, apreciated women who are given the help they need to make their dreams come true. i know i sound like a hopeless romantic, but FUCK, isn't it about time already????