In catalan this is a saying that means ¨your period fixes everything¨ and simultaneously means ¨the rule that everything turns out all right¨. These are the kind of things that i love about language learning.
Anyway, right now there is a really great confluence of both of those things happening. I finally got my period so now i don't feel so incredibly, moody, bitchy, nervous, irritable, insane. My husband and i cut off all my hair together in the bathroom that same day, and it was like steam blowing out of a pressure valve- old blood out old hair off and i feel so much calmer now. While we were cutting my hair off we had a good talk again about my fears and insecurities.
And my husband explained to me everything that he is actually doing to simultaneously work on: finding a job, getting partial disability, and sending art work and project ideas to juried art exhibitions and galleries. He is actually working his ass off, but he just wasn't talking too much about it because he hadn't seen any concrete answers yet.
And he told me that he wanted to have everything figured out and set by september or october so that we could start trying for the baby then. He said that he understands that i won't be happy waiting and that he isn't comfortable being financially unstable either so he just wants to get it all worked out in the best way possible as soon as possible.
So i explained to him that because i am a person who has to compulsively talk about everything that i am doing and thinking about i sort of assume that everyone else is the same and that if he isn't telling me about this stuff it means he isn't doing it. So now he is keeping me informed and:
He had a job interview that went really well today
so he went to social security to demand clear information about how that would affect his partial disability tramits and they told him it is best if he doesn't have any recorded job until he has an official inspection.
We had been waiting two months for the stupid letter to tell us what day the official inspection would be, but they finally called today and the inspection will be on Tuesday! So it shouldn't take too long now for him to find out if he can get partial disability or not. If he can get partial disability he can get money for that AND work at the job he had the interview for. Or if not that job it should be EASY for him to find a different job quick because companies that hire disabled people get huge tax breaks!
I also had a meeting at my work today and found out that at the end i will be working a lot of hours in July so i will be making more money than normal, and i got a couple of phone calls about two houses where they want me to come play with their kids while speaking english (for kids who are too little to do a rigid class structure but could really enjoy going to the park and playing touch the... or showing off their toys to me while i tell them the names and stuff) during August.
So now all i will have to do is put some signs up and find a few private classes or more ¨english nanny¨ gigs and i think that i will have enough money to meet up with my part of our responsibilites.
Which is so good because i was terrified that they were going to cut him off social security at the exact same time that i would be out of work for the summer or waiting for my first real fall paycheck. But it looks like everything is probably going to be fine from both sides.
So i am sewing some new pads for my period because if i have to have it for a few more months at the very least i should sop it up with style, and manically planning classes and craft ideas for 11 year old kids (which is my main group this month).
THanks for all your support when i was freaking out. Now that i look at it a little more i think i have been super extra pmsssy since my miscarriage. Everything that bothers me a little any other time makes me totally insane right becore my period, which really makes sense to me.
And vibes for DH that he keeps communicating with me and that his official inspection goes well.
Comments
Big Vibes
For things to find a natural flow. Vibes for everything to fall together right to meet your needs as these new opportunities and tasks unfold. And for your wonderful future child to come at just the right time.
I, too, seem to need to TALK about everything. I really identified with the kind of heart-to-heart you had with your DH when you were cutting your hair. I marvel at the moments when we figure out how we are mis-communicating. How it can be so hard and scary to confront big stuff like that.
When I cut my hair off (ten years ago) one of my teachers told me that in many cultures, when a girl sheared her locks, it was a sign that she was becoming a woman. A rite of passage that draws a line on your timeline. I liked that.
Don't be too afraid to be yourself. The alternative is always worse.