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dad is showing up at my house today, after 24 years, found out yesterday. freaking. out. a. little.Submitted by peculiar old bird on Tue, 06/17/2008 - 1:30pm.
i'm going to implode. need to vent. quick update because i'm also trying to get my house in *some* order. my bio dad, estranged, started showing signs he wanted a relationship when i had max. he sent stuff, money, b-day cards, money. i accepted it all. sent him pictures. sent him letters with updates. talked on the phone a couple times with him. i have not seen him since i was 10 or 11. he called sunday night. i didn't listen to his voice mail message until monday morning. he was calling from georgia to let me know he was on his way down. he lives in michigain close to canada. he'd been on the road, his motorcycle, for five days already. his message said something to the affect, "remember i said i was coming down to visit and i just didn't know when! hahaha!" well, i call the hotel (love that caller i.d.), he'd already checked out. he called me a few hours later, around noon on monday, to let me know he'd BE AT MY HOUSE in a few hours. i was stunned. didn't know what else to say but, "great! see you soon." when i got off the phone i felt like my heart was going to EXPLODE. i called him back, told him that he and his traveling partner (his girlfriend) should grab a hotel close by my house (he was already planning on staying in a hotel) and that i would call him tomorrow. he laughed and was like, "kinda sprung it on ya, huh?! hahah!" well ya, dude, you did. i told him i needed a day to process the fact that i was about to see my dad who i haven't seen in 24 years. he understood. i took yesterday to process. deal. find that anger that was hiding so it wouldn't pop up and surprise me during his visit. went to the movies with hal and saw, incredible hulk. so symbolic in so many ways. that is the only program i remember watching with my dad as a child. and of course, the whole anger turns you into a monster thing if you don't have it in check. called him this morning. found out he was only going to be staying for the day, had to leave tomorrow. his gf only had two weeks off from work and they are traveling on their bikes. made plans for him to come to my house around noon. he can meet his son-in-law and grandchildren for the first time, and me, too. i'll go out to lunch with him and his gf while hal stays back with the kids. thank the stars hal has off from work yesterday and today. that is not normal for him so, wow. i'm pissed that he didn't give me more notice he'll be here in about four hours. vibe me, mamas. please. for what, i don't know. send the love. peculiar old bird's blog | login or register to post comments | email this page | printer friendly version
{{VIBES}} to you POB! Props that you gave yourself the day to prepare, process, etc. but i hope it's going well. if you wanna talk more after, we're here!
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu dragon knows dragon be proud of ALL your feelings about this strange new event in your life! i know it's not easy, because i recently went through the same thing. i hadn't seen my dad since i was 6 until last year when i was 27; twenty-one years worth of constantly changing feelings about this man made it difficult to process how huge his re-arrival into my life was. it's taken a whole year for me to be able to sort out how complicated it really is: there's anger, fear, love, resentment, a need for his approval combined with my desire to prove that i don't need his approval, etc. tricky, right? this is an amazing day for you, and you should be so proud of yourself for everything that you feel. own it all and don't be afraid to express it to him when you are ready. he should know how his decisions and behavior have affected you, and how they still do. i'm thinking of you today and i know that you are strong enough to deal with this surprise. XOXO I understand perfectly weel, taht you want a relationship with him. Nevertheless you are right that you are pissed of his behaviour. Vibing you that thigs turn out better than you dare to hope. You can't be sad, nervous, or mad, when you have a lollipop! ((CYBERPOP)) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Okay, lady, you are cracking me up today with the lollipops BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness ((CYBERPOP)) "I have no country. As a woman, I want no country. As a woman my country is the whole world." - Virginia Woolf "If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." - Rose F. Kennedy lots of love to you. *vibes* mama, lots of vibes WHOA. This is some intense stuff! You totally should be proud of yourself for taking a day to process, I'm proud of you too. I hope it all goes well today!!! And in the days to come, as you continue to sort through your emotions and all the stuff this brings up. Be gentle with yourself, try not to expect perfection from yourself. Glad Hal was able to take a couple of days off. VIBES, mama!!! Family stuff is so complicated. You take care of you. Thinking of you and vibes. ***Vibes*** Vibes for this visit to be a good one, and maybe a beginning to a healthy relationship for you two. And it's not juvenile to want that, not at all. I hope you have a great day today, even though I'm sure it's going to be filled with emotion. More ***vibes***!!!!! BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness thanx so much, mama. i meant my dad is juvenile! sisterhood comes in all kinds of forms. we are lucky to be a part of a generation that can experience it virtually. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) Ah, gotcha, that makes sense. BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness That's a lot. I hope it goes well. I know you will be fine, either way. I have a very similar story so i know the feelings you are going through. {{{{vibes}}}} |
i'm thinking he is still that 20 year old scared dad, in some ways. this is a pretty emotional day and i'm also hoping it will be good. thanks to all of you who were online and responded so quickly. i'm crying as i write this because i so needed a fast reply from the hm's and you did just that. thank you thank you thank you to everyone who chimed in and who will chime in - i'm checking in periodically, between cleaning, between now and when he arrives. i love you all so much.
I'll be thinking of you today.
Wow. This is huge. I hope everything turned out well.
Lots of dealing vibes sent your way.
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