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Are people who read Babble CRAZY...or am I?Submitted by Uncle Brett on Tue, 05/27/2008 - 3:55am.
I just had a humorous essay published there, and some of the responses in their "comments" section have me scratching my head a little. It's in their "Notes from a Non-Breeder" column, and is called "Crying Uncle". Let me know what YOU think. I trust you Hipmamas. Uncle Brett Uncle Brett's blog | login or register to post comments | email this page | printer friendly version
You know, I should have thought of that! Duh. I didn't comment before cos I'm hoping he goes away ... because I'm not ENTIRELY sure why he would want to hang here with a bunch of mamas. I've never really heard him say explicitly why hip mama is the place for him. Not that this is required at all from anyone who posts here but maybe just a bit of a requirement- at least in my mind- for a man. uncle brett: spammer? obnoxious self-promoter? friendly gay uncle just trying to get some input? I am sorry but the essay just was not very funny. All of the characters (man I hope those people are not real) came off as self centered jerks, well except the toddler who is supposed to be self centered. "If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?" um... can you please do your market research elsewhere? ...but creepy market research as well. Has anyone else noticed that when this dude posts he never ever engages in any of the replies? He's a spammer. A creepy spammer. Who's in charge of handing out Hipmama accounts around here? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thank you, I'm getting that feeling, too. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) I've got a feeling "uncle brett" is having a field day in this forum, and at the expense of its mamas. Just think - he's got an entire community up in arms. Bad publicity is still publicity, after all. The best way to kill a capitalist venture is to ensure its unpopularity. Stop responding and ignore him. He'll go away. Now I'm a capitalist venture? I'm just an early childhood educator who has spent his entire career trying to help parents and young children. I'm not trying to work at anyone's expense. But thanks for helping me to answer my original question. I appreciate all of your input. I won't bother any of you again. Uncle Brett Sorry to be so blunt, but I think your full of shit. Goodbye UB, this will be the last time I respond to your blog posts. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) The article rings of someone with no insight or exp. with toddlers. What is your education background and where/with who did you study? Not a dig at your education so much, but every *early* childhood educator I meet seems to have had a lot of hours in CD, usually on campus. So the behavior or expectations of a toddler coming over would not have suprised them. Tell us more about your training? I, for one, am curious. Gut reaction. Your friends who came over are tools. (But their kid is normal toddler) That said, I would not have come over with my 18 month to your pad either. There are times to reconnect and there are places. Your, what I'm sterotyping as a cool gay guy pad, with no toddlers living there, would not be the place. Same scenerio at my gay SIL's and her partner's cool Silverlake abode. My *toddler* dumped a glass of OJ into her laptop with me in the background smirking, "Who leaves a laptop within toddler reach?" YEs, I was one of those *tool* parents a while back myself. My thoughts are this would have got a better reaction from the hipster non parent themed magazine. Next time, you guys meet for dinner, get a babysitter and enjoy Satay and Thai beer WITHOUT the kid. I still want a gay uncle friend. I too am surprised with your *knowledge you were not prepared for what went down? That does not make sense? Care to elaborate why? I can see if you were a normal, non parent person (like my brother, clueless) but you have this *cred* you attach to your posts? Thank you, exactly. I'm dumbfounded as to the cluelessness of yourself in this article. If you were just a childless man who was not used to children in general, this article would make MUCH more sense, for me anyways. BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness I'm also curious as to what qualifies you to refer to yourself as an "expert." All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) I think people generally take themselves way to seriously. The piece wasn't hysterical, but it made me remember how kooky I was after my first child was born. I couldn't laugh off the crazy shit she did, I just couldn't. Plus, I was so tired & determined to do everything 'right'. My sentiments exactly!!I was a friggin lunatic somedays in my singlehanded quest to do it "just right". Recalling that kooky determination on my part and it causing my sheer blindness to reality made me giggle. I was such a dork! I haven't read the other comments to this yet, so if I repeat, sorry. Eh, whatever, like I said, if I had read the article with no prompting, I would not have felt compelled to leave any comments. Probably cause the blame is on both parties. I would surely not let my kid knock over another's posessions with no apology. And I would not leave a diaper on their coffee table. Wait, maybe I would on yours, just to piss you off. BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness I was also thinking "What does friendship mean to any of the people in this article?" ***the United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. *** Honestly, what makes you trust us? How do you know us? Have you held one of our hands through a major or minor life drama? Do you know who our kids, partners, who we are? What's brought us to this point in life, where we came from and where we would like to go? Have you provided insight or really done much other than promote your other pieces? Yeah, I thought the piece was whiny -- the same old story: "oh, woe is me, my friends have kids and they are tired beyond anything they've ever known, stressed out, and just not so fun and sparkly anymore. And they act real and forget their manners. They suck now! Why won't their kid shut up for once?" I am pretty sick and tired of being judged by non-parents on the way I raise my kid, and tired of the friends I used to have that don't get why my night out doesn't start at 10 anymore and why my main concern goes a little deeper than where to hang out between when the bars close and the after-hours clubs open. The whole thing made me cranky. Ok, on understanding what it's like to be a parent when you don't have kids? Hmmmm... Of course, I did not read the article yet so I may be out of context here? I want a gay uncle to take Mia on fun playdates. Rock on Brett. Just do me a favor, if you're going to post here, must you always plug your latest article? I kind of feel like I want to here more about you. What's going on in your daily life? Give us some drivel. Reading it made me think of how super absorbed we were with our baby at that age and how many of our friends without kids felt when they saw how over the top we were in baby la la land. I feel bad that you didn't get to reconnect with them like you wanted to and that they felt like a burden when you were not really meaning that all. I know I have had these moments myself and looking back, I wish we would have been a bit more relaxed about stuff instead of tuning out the world while we squabbled over where the misplaced binkie was or whether or not he really was hungry/tired/cranky/needy/soiled/spoiled/dressed all wrong/ sunblocked properly... I could just go on forever with this. I don't know why I'm so stuck on this! Call me CRAZY. Do you really think caring for children not your own is anything like having your own and being responsible for every aspect of their well being? I mean, as a preschool teacher, the children leave you at the end of the day and so many more decisions about that child's life is made by the parents. I dunno, I have a really hard time accepting that anyone who doesn't care for children as their own can understand what parenting is really like. I'm not trying to ride your ass, please don't take it that way. I'm genuinely perplexed that any mama here reading this article would be so accepting of the writer's judgmental position. I mean, okay, accepting that a non parent will be judgmental is understanding, but thinking it is just or right or okay... I just don't get it. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) I didn't take the piece to be all that judgemental. I just didn't. I also do believe that folks who are not parents may have an inkling of what parenting is all about. And there are some parents who have no idea about parenting. The street can definitely run both ways. Take me for example: I practically raised my two younger siblings because my mom was checked out on a continious mental vaction that began when I was a baby and still continues to this day... does that count as parenting? In my book, you bet your sweet ass it does. I taught kids for five years and kids in my class came at age 2 and left at five. I saw those kids through divorces, moves, blending of families, abuse, parental addiction, parental drama, parental death, illness, foster care, you name it. I saw those kids all day & often into the evenings & weekends. We were like a family.I hear your argument that unless you have been down in the trenches yourself, you'll never fully understand. I really do, But on this occasion, I wasn't put off at all. I think maybe because i have spent so much time immersed in a family's life yet still have the ability to step out of the situation & see a form of clarity on my end partly because I have acted as as a kind of parent and partly because I wasn't their parent. It made me reflect more on that time in my life & chuckle cause I have *so* been there! I think I may have a different opinion of what the parameters of parenthood are here too so that may skew things. While I agree that I am my child's parent, I also think that his grandparents, his auntie's, Our really close family friends ( his godparents), his teachers and even the nice lady who helps him find his way back over to me when he wandered off in Sears are acting on parental mojo. That's cool. I can agree to disagree. I respect that our life experiences give us different perspectives on the article. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) I do think that working with the same children day in and day out does give someone pretty good insight into the workings of them. Honestly, how could it not? I'm not talking about "parenting". No, a childcare worker who is not a parent cannot know what it's like to be a parent and make parenting decisions. But does it give them a pretty good idea about what it's like to live with those kids? Sure. BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness I get what you are saying. I can see how caring for a child can give a person insight to how that particular child behaves. I guess to me, it is so much heavier to actually be fully responsible for every aspect of said child's life, including the person you choose to care for them. Everything weighs super heavy on a parents back - not that a caring childcare person wouldn't feel totally responsible for that child when they are in their company... but bottom line for me, you give the child back to their parents at the end of the day. Caring for a child that is not your own is rarely the same as caring for your own child. IMO, anyhoo. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) You know, I have a hard time imagining that if you came out of nowhere and posted that article here on hipmama you wouldn't get the same reaction here that you got there. I think the mamas here would find it just as offensive and naive. Just saying. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) Okay, maybe I'm way off. Looks like I'm the only one who read the article and totally gets why other parents would find it offensive. I didn't take offense to it because my oldest is almost four and I have 1.5 year old. However, I can certainly remember what it was like when my first was 18 months and we tried to do stuff outside the norm with him. It was stressful and I wouldn't go to anyone's home that wasn't child friendly because Max was into everything. I still have the same opinion of the article but clearly, I'm one of the only hipmama's who have this opinion! All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) Nope, I'm with you. I also used to be a teacher, and there really is something to be said for a seasoned teacher and their connection to kids, but there is a special bond between a mom or a dad and their child that only a mom or a dad could understand. This goes for adoptive parents as well. But yeah, I'm also with whoever said that everyone involved really handled the situation pretty selfishly and rudely. And as a child expert, I would hope that you would have been the bigger person and shown some sympathy for the flippy parents. I also have to admit that when I first saw you on this site, I thought you were a spammer. I'm sure this sounds a little paranoid, but I get nervous when a male non-parent shows up on a mother's website. Group of women, strange male intruder, yeah. But it's just me. Is it just me? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nah, POB, I think you're spot on that it would get a similar reaction, too. I wasn't offended by the piece, but found it slightly annoying. BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness I think those comments on that site come from annoyed parents. Having a baby in tow is like being a handicapped person, or a mentally ill person! Often, parents become offended when non-parents try to give advice or criticism. You will never understand what it is to be a parent unless you are a parent. Now I will have to say that after reading your article, I felt that your guests behaved rather rudely and were not very respectful. You shouldn't have to clean up after them. They should not leave dirty diapers on your coffee table. But as their friend, I would hope that you could be understanding of the crying baby in need of his comfortable "shoo shoo" routine and a mom in need of baby to stop crying. The toddler years are by far the most frustrating. I also have wondered why a non-mama, or even a non-parent, would want to come to hip mama. I've always felt this is was a community of moms and I have to admit my slight uncomfortableness for having a man who isn't a parent on this board. As long as you are respectful, however, I guess it's not a problem. But since you asked our opinion, I'll give you mine. That's all. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ had a good laugh. It takes more then that to get me defensive and I can see where the insanity of parenting a toddler, traveling with a toddler, BEING with a toddler is often mind blowing to the people not living with it day in and day out.
I don't think a person has to have kids to have an opinion or give advice but you really do have to have kids to get what it is like to be around them 24/7. Even a part-time nanny experiences the children they watch in a different way then the parent. This is what 3 different nanny's who were also pre-school teachers told me. There really is a difference. If Bret was a parent, I think this article would have been written with much more understanding of what those NEW parents where going through. There are so many factors about the parents that were not shared in the article that could have affected the way they were dealing with their road trip. Was it their first road trip with the toddler? Do they typically have more help raising their kids? I haven't read his blog but its good to hear its not anti-parent or anti-breeder. That makes me feel better about him being here. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) I often have to remind myself that this is a blog site as well as a community. Sometimes things irk me, but I leave them alone because I file it away as their personal experience which doesn't have to match mine.
You never got back to me about me sending you something back! I do make things other than blood catchers you know!
Because you keep mentioning it... let me just tell you... "working" with children and actually having them IS TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT REALITIES. I know a lot of folks who found this out only after they had children of their own. To be honest with you, if I was the friend you were talking about in this piece, I'd be hurt and angry. I would feel bad that I neglected to be polite enough to you yet feel disappointed that you had no clue as to how hard my life had become caring for a child (I'm guessing this is their first kid because it is REALLY hard sometimes to remember that your non-parent friends have expectations of you to remember your manners). I was okay with you being here on hipmama and still don't really care but you really are NOT a mama OR even a parent so I find your perspective on other parents and parenting in general very limiting. And quite offensive. I hope you and your friends were able to have an honest conversation about the visit and I hope like hell you come to understand why this article is judgmental in a typical "child-free" way and would piss so many parents off. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) Hmmm...the piece does convey a sort of ignorance about parenting. Those tattered b/c sleep pants become your best friend when you have a baby/toddler. Parenting isn't a skill you're born with. It's a horrible, wonderful, exciting, irritating, strenuous, and absolutely faboo journey into the deepest, darkest pit of great unknown ever imagined by even the most skilled writers, philosophers, or theologians. My initial reaction is to agree with many of your piece's commentators. My more rationed response is, "Eh, what can you expect from someone who doesn't have kids?" |
& truthfully that is precisely what I love the very most about Hipmama! 
i would bet uncle brett gets paid everytime we click on a link he has created. my friend is a blogger for an online magazine and that's how it works. she even stirs up controversy so more people go to the article because every click is how they get paid by advertisers...just a thought.