though I don't always use it for the right cause.
It is destructive, but it it's being destructive for growth, then it is serving it's purpose in a healthy way. We always talk about anger in school as being the energy that allows the plant to break from it's seed at the start of spring...or the chicken from it's egg. If that energy weren't there to destroy the bonds that were once protecting those beings, they would never be able to grow.
So, I see anger as something that can be beneficial when we use it to destroy the boundaries that we've put up against the world, so that we can become fresh and new and grow out of the boxes we create for ourselves.
I feel like, in our culture, we have shoved anger in a corner (thus giving it more power) and said that it's bad. We are afraid of it and feel guilty when we use it. Instead, maybe we should recognize that there is a time and a place for anger that can be healthy -- thus, giving it less power and letting it be.
At every point in my life that I have grown, I have had frustration, irritation and anger. That unsettling, wiggling, furling motion that you can see happening in the seed underground as it starts to get wet and hot from the sun.
So, I am still learning how to use my anger correctly, but I certainly want to embrace and celebrate it, rather than deny it!
"Fundamentally the markswoman aims at herself"DT Suzuki

I do not voice the frustrations that my anger over which will subside in minutes. I let those go for the time being, but if I start noticing a pattern of something I don't like (the things I don't like nearly always are a disrespect of me or my boundaries) I usually wait until the time is right (some behavior of their tears it) to tell the person honestly and calmly but fully how I feel. If the person acts defensive or gets aggressive then I will probably yell at them. Normally my mode of yelling at people is to not shriek, but just have a raised voice as I unleash a litany of complaints that bolster a basically sound, reasonable argument based on a pattern as I've seen it. Usually the person ends up agreeing with how I see it and if they don't and don't give a reasonable argument but instead excuses then I do one of 2 things. If the person is someone I'm required to keep dealing with then the argument continues and if it's someone I'm not required to keep dealing with then we are done. That's what happened with Tony's dad. Maybe that's sounding pretty "my way or the highway" but that is pretty much how I deal. I will cope with a number of negative traits, but a lack of respect for me or not "allowing" me to live the way I want is a dealbreaker. I do not usually feel guilty about my outbursts because it seems to me that if the person had listened and backed away from my boundary we'd have been cool.

***the United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. ***

blowing it off, taking a breath or calling the person a mutha-fucka under my breath (or outloud) and think about *payback*. It really depends on the other person. It also really depends on who's getting in my face. Online is a challenge. In person I may be better with boundaries.

In the end, I like it to be very clear that my silence is not weakness. I have trouble with that.

maybe it's because i grew up around people who drank alot and were always screaming and fighting, but i can't stand when people are angry at me. it makes me feel like a naughty little girl, and not in a kinky/hot way! i usually shut down when people are angry at me, like "okay, i'm not having this conversation if you're going to yell at me."

as far as my own anger, it pisses me off that the world assumes that if i have any sort of strong opinion i must be an 'angry feminazi'!! first of all, i can have opinions without being angry! like, i happen to think that disney princesses suck and i don't want my daughter playing with them, but i'm not pissed off about it or anything. it's just a preference. and second of all, even if i am angry about something, what is so wrong about that?? being called a feminist lately is usually meant as an insult anyway, so the whole 'feminazi' thing is just ridiculous. since when was it a terrible thing to have pride in being a woman? since when does it make me some kind of nazi to demand that my daughter be treated with respect and dignity? for some reason the world is afraid of a woman with ideas, and terrified of a woman with any anger to express. it's insulting to express a passionate idea and have the response be "what are you so ANGRY about?", meaning "why are you so CRAZY?"

it makes me ANGRY!!

I get defensive, and I am a screamer sometimes. I don't know if this came about because my mom most certainly wasn't a screamer, and people have walked all over her all her life. It made me crazy, and of course, as I have aged, the whole "I'm not gonna be like HER" mentality has set in.

I don't always see anger as something negative. It is a way to ensure you are being treated properly at times. As long as you own it, know why you are angry, then I think a positive outcome can come out of it.

I do not,however,think that yelling will solve anything, even though I do it a lot. It's a habit that isn't easy to break, unfortunately. Usually, I allow myself to yell because I have hit a breaking point, since I allow things to pile up before I say anything. At that point, the argument is lost, because the yelling is all people hear.

I suppose that it is trial and error...and when I am pregnant like I am now, it gets worse. I am not very nice sometimes, and I worry that I am stressing everyone out...?