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"Beating" Your Child? WTF?Submitted by Resolution on Mon, 05/12/2008 - 3:29pm.
I grew up in the South...where the spanking is STILL, it seems, the way to dicipline. My parents, for some strange reason, despite being brought up through the "old school" way of parenting, decided spankings weren't the best idea. I can literally count on one hand the times I had a spanking, never with a belt, always with the hand. I don't think I grew up to be such a bad kid, but my parents' unorthodox way of parenting was the source of concern amongst their families, friends, and my older siblings (I am the youngest by 12 years). I am not generally, a spanking Mama, even though I will admit to doing it before...it is definitely not habitual. I never understood spanking, really, even when I've done it myself. For some parents, I suppose it really does work, but I just feel like it isn't for my family. That being said, my friend (I'll call her C), is a spanker. I've known her for close to 12 years, since high school. She now has four children, her first being born when she was 17. I was talking to her today, and she yelled at her 3 year old, "I'm gonna beat the shit out of you!" for taking off his diaper. Come on. I flinched, sighed, and shook my head. I could only hope that it was just words. It was all too common of a sound, and I dunno if it's me being pregnant again (I've always had a shorter fuse during that time) or not, but it just fired me up. But is it really easier? The psychological issues accompanying spanking are the consequences of her actions. The guilt that came with me spanking my children was too much, but I wonder if that is her thought process. While the spanking issue bothers me, her words bother me more. The verbal threat of "I'm gonna beat the shit out of you" is worrisome, at best. It makes me question how two moms, so different, could be friends. This just doesn't feel like a difference of opinions, it feels wrong. Should I throw away 12 years of friendship because of her words? I cannot make her change her philosphy of parenting. I have brought up her temper and her anger before to avail. I dunno what to do at this point. i had a similiar interaction with a mama yesterday, it wasn't so much that she swore or threatened her child, she just spoke down to her and it was bothersome to me. we were shopping for summer clothes (which is my daughter's fav thing to do) this mama friend's dd not so much of a shopper but she starts jumping her case about "WHAT do you like, i don't even know what style of clothing you want, WHAT IS YOUR STYLE?!?!" her poor dd looked like a deer in headlights and mom was demanding an answer on the spot, when she didn't get it she said FINE! and walked away from her dd. i whispered to her, it's okay some people just don't like to shop for clothes and that's okay too. i don't have any advice to give, as this is a very difficult situation, ultimately even if your friend's behavior isn't directed at your child(ren) they still hear the ugly ya know? that's how i was feeling yesterday about this mama, yeah i feel bad for your kid, but i really don't want mine listening to this crap either.... if you are feeling this way, you should distance yourself from her. If this is the way she talks to her kids, what is stopping her from speaking to your kids that way behind your back. I mean, even if you are hanging out and run to the bathroom while she watches your kid for a sec, she could speak to your kids like that. 12 years is a long time, but some relationships just aren't going to last forever. People grow and evolve, and when they don't go in the same direction then it's time to part. It's not easy being friends with someone who parents in a very different way than you do. You could also choose to set clear boundaries for your friendship if you are not ready to end it yet. Like, you hang out with her only when you don't have the kids around (if ever), or limit your interactions and only hang out once a month or something like that. She would get the hint someday maybe... and if not then no worries. Remember that someone can abuse their child without laying a hand on them. Good luck. Check out my daily photo journal: Dumping a friend is hard. I guess if it were me I'd have to take into consideration how her actions effect my own children. I mean, if you don't enjoy being around her, that's one good reason. If you add to that the effects it could have on your children seeing an adult treat children that way, that would be even more reason. I don't know that you necessarily have to quit being her friend if you really enjoy her company. But people and friendships change over the years. It's a tough one. On a side note, I once saw a mom and her daughter crossing the street at a bus stop. The little girl, maybe 6 or 7, went the wrong way. Her mom yelled "WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU'RE GOIN'!" When mom stepped into the street, she was almost hit by a car. I thought to myself, you watch where the fuck YOU'RE goin'. Some parents are just angry I think. You can't change them, but you can change how you interact with them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
Wow. That is pretty harsh of her to have said to her child. If it were me, I wouldn't stop being her friend though over one comment. I guess if it was common for her to interact that way with her children I would just keep being myself around her and most likely the friendship will slowly draw to a close.
***the United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. ***