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Dating...Motherhood...*sigh*Submitted by Creatress on Sun, 05/11/2008 - 1:03am.
I'm on an assy connection tonight, but I wanted to vent a couple of things: Why is it that I always think I have to know after the first date whether or not I'm going to stay with someone for a long time? I had a first date today with someone, and he's nice--really fits a lot of the 'criteria' for a long-term thing: stable, financially responsible, kind, gentle, wants to foster like me, intelligent, easy to talk to, funny. He's a bit socially awkward and very sexually inexperienced, so that will be a project, but I keep feeling like I have to decide right now whether or not I'll be with this guy in a year. That annoys me. I think it's my mind trying to sabotage something that has the potential to be a good thing (or maybe it's just my intution.) Bah. And is it bad that all I want for Mother's Day is to not be a mom for a few days? *sigh* H managed to pee on the bed during a diaper change before bed, and when I put her on the floor to quickly strip the bed, she managed to pee on the carpet AND a pillow. So the only clean & dry bedding right now is one pillow. I don't have spare sheets and such, so they're in the wash and I don't get to go to bed until they're done. Just when I was hoping to go to bed early for once...*sigh* Yes! We do have a queen! If there's a set you're not using, I would love to take them off your hands...PM me for logistics if you decide you want to set them free. It's so true about wanting a break and wanting to be a real human being for a while. And I feel like when she's a bit older, she'll understand, but right now, when I leave her with a sitter, she looks at me like I am the worst person in the world. *sigh* Doesn't mean I don't do it, just means I feel kinda assy when I do, and thus don't do it as OFTEN. Hmm. Anyway. At least it means she loves me and wants to be with me. Good luck slowing down your heart and your brain. I am a serial monogamist and have a hard time with casual dating, myself. I had good luck with my socially awkward, sexually inexperienced man, myself. There is something to be said for being able to train them to do what you like. And he had a lot of natural ability! Sunflower the unflower That's kinda what I'm thinking. dating while mama-ing is pretty tricky, isn't it? i have a really tough time because part of me is so used to a two-person family (myself and my monkeygirl) that i'm not sure i know how to let a third person in! but i have that other part of me that's always wondering what it would be like to wake up every day with a partner next to me in all this. that part of me tends to do what your describing, the whole "is he the one? are we going yo be together forever? what's our life going to be like?" thing. it's hard not to get carried away with it sometimes, but it can kind of sabotage a relationship by taking away from what's happening in the here-and-now. let me know when you have it all figured out, because i sure as hell don't!! Yeah, being an INTJ (introvert/intuitive/thinker/judger) does me no favors in this arena. My intuition is strong, I think a lot, and I want to judge/decide and move on. Bah. H will be one in nine days. I think that's part of what's creating my funk, too. Remembering how my life was one year ago, and two years ago. Pretty huge, dramatic life change. And I feel so fucking alone, and like I've let myself down in terms of what I could have been doing at this point in my life. I wish my family were closer, then I probably would get a break once in a while that I didn't have to pay for. Geeze. I'm getting more and more emo as the night goes on. I'd better figure out how I'm going to snap myself out of this. They are incredible dependent, don't understand you fully or obey, and are mobile and strong. Doing it on your own is even harder. It'll be better when she gets older. Three is hard too, but in a whiny dramatic way. I didn't think two was terrible at all. Sunflower the unflower God, I HOPE it gets better...oof. I feel like for the first 6-9 months, everything was just great, and lately, we just fight. yeah, it's really f-ed up sometimes to look back and see how different things are now. becoming a mother ultimately means learning to sacrifice alot of the past so that you can focus on the future. i feel the same way so often about wondering if i've let myself down somehow, but it's just a cop-out really so i don't have to focus as much on what i can do to make things better. it took a few months of therapy for me to realize that single motherhood isn't a curse, it's a challenge i'm going to meet head-on and beat the shit out of! Hehe, you made me cry. (Good tears, though, I suppose.) Your comment about looking at the past being a cop-out is dead on. I need to process that a bit. I've been doing it a LOT lately; I wonder what I'm holding myself back on right now that I actually want to be doing...hm. |
Hehe. Ick. That's okay. It will probably teach me a lesson in commitment (not my easiest subject.)
I have some spare queen sheets I could send you
And no, it's not bad that you want to be free for a few days, it's normal and HEALTHY. If your entire being was wrapped up in motherhood, you wouldn't be much of an example of how to be a woman as well as a mother, would you? *hugs*