For the record, I'm white, and live in Queens NYC, the area with the highest proportion of immigrants (some white, some not) in the country, yet also heavily populated by long term white residents, who tend to be politely socially conservative at best, and downright bigoted at worst (think Archie Bunker). I hear people saying things I consider unacceptable way too often. I am generally non-confrontational, and try to live my own life as best I can, but lately have come to feel that there are times when not speaking out is wrong.

So. At the grocery store this morning, I walked past an Asian-American couple having a conversation in Chinese about a can of soup. The white 60-something woman pushing her cart ahead of me, very loudly said "Ching Chong Chang" in a nasal sing-song voice. The couple looked up at her, and I saw rage and hurt on their faces. A white teen-age girl stocking the shelves also looked up, looking confused. For a moment, I thought she was sharing my dismay, but then she burst out laughing, and then said to the woman "haha, I thought you were really speaking to them!". As I passed the teenager, I said "It's not cool that she's making fun of their language." As I passed the woman I said "It's racist to make fun of their language." And then kept on walking and didn't reply when she said "And that's your business? It's a free country, they haven't taken over yet."

I'm not posting this looking for a pat on the back. The incident just got me thinking. I feel like I did the right thing, but I'm also aware that if the shopper ahead of me had been a big burly man, I most likely would have kept my mouth shut. And then I thought, did I really accomplish anything? Nobody is going to change their ways because of being admonished by me, and meanwhile, I'm kind of congratulating myself for speaking out, but the reality is, I don't do anything to fight the underlying problems with race in our society. So I'd be curious to hear how others of you react in this kind of situation. I'm kind of thinking that my obligation to speak out is clear when I'm actually in a conversation with someone, not so much when I overhear something. And I can think of many times in the past when confronting someone would have put my personal safety at risk (and my kids' safety of course, as they're pretty much always with me), and I'm aware this would be even more true were I not white. How do you draw the line?