So, after much hemming and hawing, I've decided to take the teaching position I was offered. I am excited but also wracked with conflicting feelings. So, here I go:
1. I'm really having a hard time letting go of my little Lily. I never thought I would be like this, but losing the babies solidified the fact that I don't want to try and have more children and it is from this feeling that I am clinging on to my little one. Luckily, she is so independent, she shrugs me off which puts me back into reality, but the feelings are still lingering.
2. I am lucky enough that I can bring the girls with me to the school, they will have their own classrooms and I will have my time away as well. I'm looking forward to this for all of us. Ava and I drive each other crazy and space is a good thing...not dealing with her all day long makes me 10 times more patient with her.
3. I am a little anxious at this transition for all of us. It is going to be an adjustment, but I know we will pull through. I am already becoming uber organized and trying to figure out if we will have enough extra cash to splurge on a housecleaner once a month.
4. The extra cash flow is something to look forward to. Our property taxes went up 2.5%, making our mortgage $2000 a month. Gross, I know. Having a little extra cash will allow us to finish up the renovations on the house, which I am so, so excited for.
5. I did a practice teach-in on Monday and the little buggers I have are so cute. They were all so shy at first then after two hours of spending time with them, they all gave me huge hugs when I left. I know in my heart this is the right thing to do. I mean, really, my kids are in the same building as me.
6. Oh, and one thing that is really bugging me is the fact that I will be working all summer. Because it is a preschool, they are open all summer and I've rarely worked a summer being a teacher. At the end of my street, is the beach and not going there everyday will be an adjustment, but it is only for the next two years, I keep telling myself. Having the extra income could quite possibly pay for a beachy vacation. And yes, I know people think, "oh, poor you, you can not go to the beach" but I grew up in So Cal with the ability to go anytime and moving here and limiting that time to 3 months a year is a huge adjustment. The beach is everything to me, it provides more than I can explain here but I know it's not going anywhere in the next few years!

I already feel better. Thanks for listening, mamas.