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Being a mom and not having a cell phoneSubmitted by Emile on Mon, 09/17/2007 - 10:26pm.
DS#1, after spending the first 4 years of his life almost entirely with me, has just started pre-school. This is so exciting-- perhaps more for me than for him. I'm thrilled to have more time one-on-one with DS#2 who is 2, and has spent all of his life in the shadow of his more extroverted big brother. I have been looking forward to going to the playground in the crisp Autumn mornings and only having to worry about keeping *one* child from breaking his neck; and thinking, how delightful it will be to go to the grocery store with no arguments over who gets to sit in the cart. In my reckless enthusiasm I have even gone so far as to sign #2 up for a mommy and me class on one of the mornings when #1 is in school. But when I was filling out the emergency contact cards at the school, and had to leave the cell phone number space blank, I suddenly realized that the school expects me to be instantly reachable at all times. What if DS gets sick at school when I’m at the playground or in the store or in the class? Is it irresponsible not to have a cell phone when you’re a mom? And then I started thinking, back when I was in preschool and there were no cell phones, it would never have occurred to my mother in a million years that she should stay home by the phone during those 3 hours just in case something happened to me. This was in the early 70s, but probably this would also have been true of a parent ten years ago. How weird that this technology has changed what society expects from parents so drastically. There's no huge reason why I don't have a cell phone. I just didn’t see the need for one when they started to become common. I resented the idea of having to be available to everyone at all times. I was irritated (and still am) by having to listen to other people’s conversations. It seemed like a pointless expense. And now that they’re ubiquitous, I feel like time has passed me by – and I admit there has been a certain amount of pride in not having one, not being a slave to technology etc... Now I feel like a freak, but even so, I really don’t want one. For all the reasons listed above, but mostly because of the expense. But st the same time I feel guilty for not having one. Shoot. How much does it cost to have a beeper? or discount retail store. the last prepaid phone I had was via a cell phone store and it costs $100 for the phone and $35 a month. I think it was 200 minutes a month with free nights and weekends. but you can buy them for cheaper than that...I think the discount places have them, phone, minutes and all for starting $40. The minutes go fast and you don't get nights and weekends, but since you only plant to use it for this that should be ok. MSPmedia I just saw some at the grocery store (Dillons) for $20 for the phone. I didn't check into the cost of minutes, but it was just a charge up a card as you go type of thing. A few years ago my son S-bop broke his thumb on the playground (he and some other boys decided to jump off the jungle gym all together)and I was in the library with my ringer off, and unfortunately my buzzer was off, too. I thought I had it on. Anyway my husband was at work so they called my mother-in-law, who lives just around the corner. So she went and got him. She knew I was probably at the library or park with my younger son, so she found us and we got S-bop squared away. If you don't have someone else to be your second emergency contact, maybe look into getting a cheapy disposable phone or a prepaid phone.Then just use it strictly for contact from the school. I mean mostly the 'emergencies' from my kids have been Mom! I forgot this or that or can you do this or that but there have been a few times of sickness or an unscheduled early dismissal, where if I had been unavailable it would have caused a problem. MSPmedia I got a cell phone a few years ago because Tony's school demanded it. Like the nurse literally pulled me aside and gave me this whole spiel about massive internal injuries...Anywho, so I couldn't afford both phones when I moved here and went down to just a cell, and basically it's saved my ass a number of times in ways like what nomad described. BUT I do resent the fearmongering attitude that your child WILL be maimed and left for dead if you don't have a celly ***the United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. *** I had a cell phone for a while in college--felt THEN as though I were a hold out, snob, etc. Didn't carry it much, let it totally de-charge all the time, whatever. Now, I haven't had a phone for...two months. I don't know when I'm getting one--I know I need SOME kind of phone, but vacillating between land line and cell phone. I really don't think I can afford a cell phone, but family and most of my close friends live, well, not so close, and a phone is the best way to stay in contact. But not having a phone, I've discovered, is a good way to totally stay out of the loop. Bah. I was going somewhere with that...but it's bed time. a couple of my very close friends don't have cell phones, and it drives me crazy because my ability to talk to them (they are long distance) is so completely dependent upon my girls nap/school/reasonable behavior schedule. So, selfishly, I want them to be available all the time, because I never know when I will be available. We don't have a land-line now, so that saves a lot of money. hi e, i felt the same way, i held out until the bitter end. i thought i was the last woman standing! i'm serious! i didn't get a cell phone until this year, after my second divorce hit. my ex wasn't home to take care of the kids anymore, and i thought it made sense for the kids to be able to reach me at all times. especially at night when i was working grave. it's a cheapy, literally bought at walgreens. i buy the phone cards so i can avoid a real "bill". it works fine, and the connection is pretty good. i had intended to use it for "emergencies" only, but i ended up using daily just to check in with my son, etc. *i was the woman that thought my kids and maybe one other person would have the number, not a chance!*. i like that i can store phone numbers on it, and it's pretty easy to use. i'm old school, i kept my home phone! i say: get one only if you feel like you really need it. i also miss calls, and it's not the end of the world. take care, dc goddess informant so you can email me, text message me, post amessage on the internet, or call me. I'd say get the prepaid one ($50 bucks?), only give the number to the schools and only turn it on while he is there. I think back in the 70's and earlier, people were home more, or in one place (office, home)? Maybe? I was a cell phone hold out and proud of it- until my car broke down on a busy highway a few years ago. No one stopped and I had to get out and walk alongside the highway carrying my baby and with my other boy walking. Terrifying with huge trucks zooming by. We had to walk a long way (a few miles maybe?)and climb over a fence to get to a house. Pretty scary going up to a random house with your kids. I immediately got a cell phone after that. I will pay any amount of money to never have to do that again. I was one of the hold outs, and snobs, and now I have one and I totally rely on it, even though they are useless half the time where I live! But, you can get the kind that only charges you when you use it - as EC describes below. These are super cheap and excellent emergency insurance! because i didn't have to give personal info. i used a pseudonym and a disposable email address, and i buymy minutes with top-up cards. but, they are phasing that out now, actually. there has been a takeover of virgin media, and i am still not sure who owns the mobile phone division. i read not too long ago that Carlyle was taking over, and then there were a lot of changes to service. Carlyle, if i remember correctly, is the big company whose bigwigs were in the hotel in DC with dick cheney when 9/11 happened. so, if that's them, i may cancel out my service because i dont want to give them money. but i'm still unclear as to who owns the company. has anyone used the other pay as you go services?
and, there aren't pay phones around. so, it kind of is a necessity. have you thought about a prepaid? you don't have to hand over all your info, which was the draw for me.
my babysitter has a beeper! and a prepaid cell that she only uses to call back people who beep her. personally, that's more gear than i wanna carry. but it works for her. My doula for Bella carried a beeper. LOL!!! She carries a beeeeeeper!!!! Hahahah! She does, though. A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb LOL!!!!! A BEEPER!!!! What's that? J/K. I hear ya, I only got my first cell a year ago for all the reasons you mentioned. I'm just now getting better at keeping it charged and not leaving it at home. I have the cheapest plan because I rarely use it. I have like, 70 minutes a week and never go over. A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb |
Also all the contact info. I like to think one reason I have so many old friends is because in the first few weeks of knowing them I didn't beg 'em to let me put them on my school contact form. Although mamas here have been really cool about being added to forms it would rock to let nature take it's course friendship-wise and not have to feel you're pushing an intimacy with people just because the schools have become much more uptight. I'm optimistic that next decade we'll have a positive president and a cultural shift to the more laid-back and easy-going attitudes of yesteryear.
Thanks everyone. You have really given me clarity. As Mercury pointed out, a lot depends on having a reliable second contact, and I don't, really. It would be incredibly difficult for DH to leave work on short notice, and we are really very isolated. We live in Queens and have no family at all in NYC, and all our friends are in Manhattan, Brooklyn and Westchester, to say nothing of having jobs of their own. So I think in my case, it may actually be irresponsible not to have a cell.
I was thinking more about expectations about a parent's availability having changed in the last 30 years, and I think that part of it may be because society is more litigious than it used to be, and schools back then were probably more willing to just deal with situations when they couldn't contact a parent then they are now. I wish it were different, but it's not something I can change. Also, after I wrote this it occurred to me that 30 years ago car seats and bike helmets were not so common, so just because I didn't have them when I was a kid doesn't mean that I can justify not taking readily available common sense precautions with my own kids.
So those suggestions for getting a really really cheap phone and cards sound great, but I just haven't the faintest clue where to go or what to ask for. I'm afraid that if I just go to the nearest cell phone store front they'll tell me that my only option is to buy a $200 phone and sign up for a $50 a month plan. Help, please give me a mama who thinks it's still cutting edge to have a beeper all the advice you can for getting one one the cheap!