it isn't where i thought i would be after finishing my master's degree, and it makes me wonder if i should have stayed the doctoral course, i am revisiting this in my head as i walk down the hall of my new job, a tupperware bin in my hands, inside the bin a jar with the contents of an abortion sloshing around. i drop the tub off in the pathology lab, switch it out for a clean one, and go back to the room where there is a woman laying on a table waiting for me. this is an amazing place, they were the first legal abortion provider in the state after roe. they have been in this little converted house since 1973. the ad said abortion counselor. it did not say medical assistant, although that is part of it since this clinic has a counselor with the patient through every part of the process, including the surgery. so the counselor sets up the surgery tray, hands instruments to the doc, and cleans up. in between, we counsel, support, and help the patient with the process. they trained me to do deep breathing, guided imagery and relaxation techniques. if the patient is awake, i stand by her side, reminding her to breathe deeply, to leave her belly soft, to feel her body heavy on the table. i encourage her. you are doing so well, this is the most uncomfortable part, it is almost done, you did it, it's done, now just relax. we counsel them before as well, and during labs, and during surgery and in recovery if they need it.
***i love this job, it is part time, and if the pay wasn't abomidable for my level of education (this position only requires a bachelor's degree), i would be made in the shade. but it is abomidable, and i will either need to find something else entirely or find something more lucrative to do in the evenings. as it is, i am (for the first time) leaving vincent with a mama that i met through a local hipmama-type board one day a week. or i should say i will be, we are doing a trial run tomorrow, since i am off, and starting the real deal on friday. one day a week, she unschools her awesome kids and has a baby too, can it be? can i have found a woman to watch vincent while i go to work? i have to work for two hours to pay her the very fair rate for the day that she asks. i am too afraid to assume that it will be as good as it seems to be.***
so i am standing next to a woman on saturday. she is doing well until they turn on the machine. then she quietly starts to cry. i look down at the surgery tray with the scary, babaric looking instruments, bloody now, and think, sister, i have been you.
to be continued.