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let's talk about abortionSubmitted by punkmama on Sat, 01/27/2007 - 12:34am.
i have applied to two abortion clinics in the last two days that are hiring counselors. one of them required that applicants write a cover letter explaining why you are interested in the position, and why you think you would be a good candidate. I think it should always and only be the woman's choice. The first time I had an unplanned pregnancy, the man involved said to me, "Well, it's your choice, but I'll look down on you if you have an abortion," and then, when I had the baby, he split. The second time I had an unplanned pregnancy, the man involved said to me, "Well, it's your choice, and I'll support you nomatter what you choose." And I chose an abortion, and I have never regretted it. Even though I have been pro-choice for quite some time now, it really was, ironically, the beautiful little kid who I put to bed every night that made it very clear to me that abortion was the best choice the second time around. Do I love my daughter? Absolutely. Light of my life. Can't imagine life without her. Thank goodness for the sperm donor, even if he is a dickwad. But I was a single parent and knew that I didn't want to be a single parent, again, with two babies to care for instead of just one. I knew that it wouldn't be fair to my daughter. The second unplanned pregnancy was with a person I really cared about but only a couple of short months after we started seeing each other, and the timing was all kinds of bad in all kinds of ways. So I had an abortion, and he was there to hold my hand before and after, and we were able to go on and have a relationship that progressed the way that it was supposed to progress without the strain of feeling like we had been forced together too soon. Anyone who says that it was selfish, I would love to see them be a single parent and then be faced with being a single parent with a newborn and want nothing more than to just have a normal relationship with a person who could be a good life partner but knowing in the back of your mind the kind of stress that an unplanned pregnancy can bring to a relationship.... Anyway, i think the person whose body creates and nourishes the life is the person who should make the choice. and that brought me dd. when i was younger, i used to say that i supported the right of other women to choose abortion, but didn't think i would. i knew my ma had, and i respected her choice. it also let me know that even though she was young when she had me, she had chosen to do so given that she had made other choices as well. twice when i was in college, i was reckless and thought i'd gotten pregnant. the first time was a one-nighter, but i totally felt like i would keep the baby if i was pregnant. the second time was in the context of an ltr, but i felt certain that if i was actually pregnant, i would have an abortion. the latter experience expanded my understanding of the issue even though i ended up not being pregnant. later, i was an abortion counselor for planned parenthood for two years, and my understanding was expanded exponentially. i fully believe that abortion should be available on demand. period. no parental notification laws. no 24-hour anti-choice propaganda laws. on demand. i also believe that our cultural/political understanding of reproductive freedom should more vehemently include the freedom to become a parent when you're young or poor or physically limited or queer or not white or the like. if we had a more open discourse on these issues, then ideally women would be able to have a more positive relationship with their bodies and sexualities, contraceptions would be more available and effective, and abortion, when it was chosen, would be a private matter between a woman and her well educated doctor and whomever else she chose to include. i think i'm soapboxing now, so i'll stop, but before i do, i wanted to include something my aunt said once when we were discussing these issues. she said, "i have the power to create and destroy life in my body. fuckin' deal with it." and that about sums it up for me, too.
my history most of the mama's know but here goes for the thread. I ahve lost a total of 6 preganancies. I aborted 2, one 3 months after nessa was born, my doc deemed it mentally necassary so my insurance would pay for it, i was completely knocked out for the procedure, I cried the entire time i went through pre-cert and sat there waiting for sugery i even cried in the operating room while they adminstered the knock out right in front of my doc, but she KNEW i had to have it and she held my hand until I went under. I woke up with some pain and just emotional hangover. The second i was a hipmama for and had done this past summer at a clinic. For me it was a horrible expereince and I could never do it again under that circumstance. I think that yes, there is a point to it being kind of horrible, abortion was meant for accidents or mistakes not as a form of birth controlI know of someone who has had at least 4-5) but I think that clinic was beyond what any woman/person/human shoudl ever experience.I do not think men should have a right legally to have any say about the abortion, BUT i think if you are in a realtionship with a partner then yes, their input should matter. But i also think that if a father tells the woman upfront I don't want to be a dad i have no intention of suppporting you/baby nothing in the future then if the mom goes ahead it is on her. I know that won't be popular here but i don't beleive forcing someone to act like dad is fair to anybody especially the child. not that most woman do this at all. just putting the thought out there. I have second guessed my abortions quite regularly, well maybe second guess is the wrong wording, I don't regret having them but i do regret having put myself in the place to have to make that decision. it hurts a lot I think about how many kids I would have and sometimes I still cry over them( i am now )those are still my babies, before i had denessa and i had lost all those babies and i would cry about how i wanted to be a mama so so bad Carl always told me you ARE a mama baby girl you are a mama. and you know what? i was. I think having denessa has made the impact more real for me, has intensified it. I wonder what they would look like who they would be. for me those babies will forever be a part of me.I think if you are 13 or under then parental notification should be. I just think that is too young for someone to have a medical procedure with out someone with some information to help to make the decision, maybe not a parent but someone over 18.let me add that since you are applying for a counselor I think that is the most improtant person at the clinic. my counseling consisted of the lady telling me you have to stop crying or they won't do it, do you have x amount of money and do you need birth control after? which i didn't even get. i mean i talkde to her all of 5 minutes seriosly.they offered no counseling. not other options no nothing. I could only imagine if i was 15 and scared to death and that was what i got for counseling. no way. Jessica Denessasma- I'm so sorry you have had such a rough time. That clinic you went too sounds terrible. I totally agree that they should have counsellor's available on-site. I am sorry for the abuse you went through, but I don't think a 13 y/o is capable of making those decisions, and i don't think it should have to be a parent, it could be a counselor, teacher anybody older sister or brother even a freidn that is older. I just don't think a 13 y/o can decide if she should have a baby or not and would know what her options are, i just don't.I also don't think(this is MY opinion only) that abortions are meant to be done repeated times. I just don't. I do think it is ending a life and it should be taken very seriosuly. i stand by what i said but these are just my opinions. i just don't think abortion was meant to be used in this way. Jessica I once heard Dr. Margaret Sanger's grandson (I forget his name) give a talk about choice and something he addressed seems really relevant here. He said that too many people are of the mindset that abortion and contraception should be available on demand whenever they needed it, but other people should have restrictions placed on their access because we couldn't trust their judgement. So why are you competent to make choices about abortion but other women aren't? I never said women aren't I said i think a child which is what a 13 or 12 y/o is needs serious guidance before maiking the choice. i never said any woman can;t make her own decision. i don't understand where you got that from. Jessica to be a child. I guess that's where our difference in thinking comes in. Perhaps it's all about where you draw the line into womanhood. Dh's mom got pregnant with him when she was 14. The guy wanted nothing to do with her. She tried to tell her parents about it and they freaked out and kicked her out of the house. When she finally decided to keep the baby, her mother took her to court to try and get custody of him. She was going to take him and kick his mother out on the streets, because she wasn't a good lutheran and she was going to go to hell. "The Universe Molds Itself To Prove Your Beliefs" see i just don't consider a 6th grader a woman.i have no problem with a 13 year old makiing the decision i just think they need help to get the info they need to make the decision. do you seriously think 13 y/o will do research and find out about all of their options? I doubt it highly.and once again i said the clinics should be required by law to have adequate counseling. the family does not have to be invloved but someone should be helping a young girl know what her options are.not just blindly getting an abortion because they think that is the only option. nobody ahs questioned my decisions but me or my faith. i could care less what anybody else besides the father thinks of my decisions. Jessica "I just don't think a 13 y/o can decide if she should have a baby or not" I think that might be where I got it from. You also said in the same post that you don't think that people should have multiple abortions. I guess from those statements I got that idea. I guess you don't consider a pregnant 13 year old a woman, therefor deserving of less rights, but that is a whole nother argument. i really just don't feel like 13 is an adult whether pregnant or not. being pregnant does not make you an adult. i don't want 13 year olds driving or drinking(not necessarily related)i think a 13 y/o would need help to be able to make that decision. I don't think she would have the resources to make an intelligent decision based with information and knowledge. Most 13 y/o that commit crimes get lesser or lighter punishment because they do not have the capacity to think like and adult. just as an example.I don't think one should be making life altering decisions on her own, that's just how i feel.i mean it's not like i'm talking 15 and 16 y/o you all seriously think 13 is an adult? that they should be out on their own living and making their own way. that seems odd to me. i was in the 6th grade at 13 in no way ready to live like an adult or make adult decisions. if girls get pregnant and don't have anyone to help them I understand but the clinics should have to have adequate counseling because like i said if a young girl were to go to the clinic i went to and got the "counseling" i got she would have felt pressured by that counselor to have an abortion, which is just as wrong to me.and would have been given no other info on options or anything. Jessica It's already a law that the woman be counseled. I thought we were talking about parental consent here...from the other posts. As far as a 13 year old making life altering decisions...the decision which will most alter her life would be the choice to keep the baby. I think that a 13 year old should be supported in that. (And a 12 year old, and any woman who is pregnant.) Being pregnant does not make you an adult. I agree. Neither does turning 18, nor does turning 21. What does make you an adult? I suppose I would define it as having the capacity to deal with your own choices. I met a 10 year old who was more of a 'grown-up' than I am. I wasn't having sex when I was 12 and 13 years old, in fact...an embarrasing little tidbit about me...I didn't know that Santa didn't exist until I was 13. It took me a long ass time to grow up. I was naive and sheltered because of my mother's religion. I can't put that on every other child. When I think about a 13 year old kid having sex, I have to think about her having the mentality that I had when I finally started having sex...because that's where she's at. To me, the fact that she's had sex, gotten pregnant and is now forced to decide whether or not she wants another human being to grow in her belly makes her an adult. If what you're saying is that there should be some counseling at the clinic for them, it's already there. It's required by law. I agree that it should be there, and that it should be required by law. Regardless, there are going to be amazing counselors and there are going to be shitty counselors. I'm sorry that you got one of the latter. I think that if you felt pressured to have an abortion that you should talk to somebody about this now, because this is something that can haunt you if it's not dealt with. I'm really sorry that you are sad about your decision. "The Universe Molds Itself To Prove Your Beliefs" i know the counseling law is there but it isn't adequate at all. there was no counseling where i went. i know i am only speaking for my clinic i went to but if there is one there are hundreds more the same and there were some young girls at the one i went to alone so if the counseling i got is all the couneling they got it was non-existent.I don't think the fact that soemone makes the choice to have sex at 13 makes them a woman in fact, making this choice shows how much she is NOT a woman and making sound decisions.(we have all done this but it just proves what i am saying)the fact that she now has to decided on whether to keep a baby does not make her mind warp speed to adult mind set i just don't beleive that.of course everyone matures at different ages but that does not make you mature or an adult to me.so what about a 10 year old who gets pregnant they should just be able to walk in and get an abortion do you not think there should be an age set where there has to be some outside guidance? girls get their periods as young as 8 these days what about them? and as for my experience what would be the point now if i felt pressured? the babe is gone and the decision was made.nothing will change.and i am 30 imagine if i was 13. you are referring to. I thought you said there was counseling at the clinic that you went to and that the counselor made you feel pressured into having the abortion. I must have misunderstood the former post. If there was no counseling at all, then that was illegal. I don't believe that because there is one that there are hundreds of clinics who are performing illegal abortions (by illegal, I mean without providing counseling at all). ok this waass what happened with my pre-abortion counseling.i walked in the little room with the counselor. I was crying, she told me you must stop that right now or the doc won't do it. how far are you? do you have x amount of dollars? do you need birth control afterwards? THAT was the counseling provided at this clinic. this is counseling? not to me. and it was the same for every one, even the young girls. every single person was in and out of that room in under 5 minutes.so that little counseling law is useless. Jessica but what do you think should be provided then? That's kind of what I'm unclear on. ok. I never said I consider a 13 year old an adult. I just disagree with parental notification laws and feel that any person who is pregnant, regardless of age should have full say over if they want to stay pregnant or not. I also don't believe in second guessing other women or girls decisions about abortion because I don't want my decisions second guessed. oh i believe they should make the decison i just think they need someone to be sure they have all the info to be able to make the decision.i don't second guess anyone's decision who am i to do that? i think these girls/children need guidance when making a decision like this i mean it takes 13 y/o girls 2 hours to decide what jeans to wear Jessica I see what you're saying. I don't think that 13 is old enough, emotionally, to be having sex. But lots of 13 year olds do have sex and some of them get pregnant. This is by no means ideal. But I think that if it happens then however old the girl/woman- whatever you want to call her- should have the right to make her own reproductive choices. i firmly believe that if you are old enough to make a baby, you're old enough to make the decision on whether or not to keep it. i was 13 when i had an abortion, and i was filled with a deep sense of relief. yes, i was not completely evolved as an adult, but i made that choice regardless. just like i made the choice to have unprotected sex. teenagers make all kinds of choices, both smart and stupid, but they are their choices nonetheless, and that it is how we become adults, by making choices for ourselves. recent medical studies have shown that the human brain is not fully developed until 25 years of age. does that mean you shouldn't be considered a legal adult until then? personally, i think that's bullshit. as far as situations where abuse is involved, i think it's obvious that the abuser should have absolutely no say in the matter whatsoever. none. I would like to add that if you require a 13 year old to have an adult with her at the time of an abortion this could very well lead her to seek alternative ways of ending the pregnancy- ie, doing it herself. Some people have wonderful parents and even if the kid was afraid to tell them about a pregnancy, would be better about it than the kid might imagine. I wish these teenagers would go to their parents. That's not possible for everyone. Nor does everyone have older people that they trust in their life- I don't know about y'all but I didn't have an older sibling and I never had 18 (or even 15 or 16) year old friends when I was 13. well i don't make the laws but if we are going to let children make these decisions then maybe there should be a law about counselors at the clinics because mine was god awful and it in no way could have ever qualified as counseling.for a child to go to a clinic and just get an abortion with noone having ever let her know of her other options or given her info about possible complications later in life while trying to get pregnant is just not right to me.so maybe if the clinics, laws, the powers that be wants to let very young teens have abortions on their own they ought to be damn sure they have adequate counseling for these girls. Jessica I agree about adequate counselling. But I don't think you can say that because there's not adequate counselling that young girls have to pay for that by not being able to get an abortion if they need one without an adult present. I know it's just your opinion and I know you don't make the laws... I even understand where you're coming from, I'm just pointing out that sometimes very young girls desperately need abortions and have no adults they can turn to or would want to turn to. If the choice is between safe abortion at a clinic, albeit without proper emotional support, or a scared girl trying to perform an abortion on herself, I choose the former. I don't think it should have to be a parent, it could be a counselor, teacher anybody older sister or brother even a freidn that is older. Which surprises a lot of people who know me. I've taken the morning-after pill about a million times, though, so... I dunno. i also used a lot of drugs, I just figured my body wasn't up to maintaining a pregnancy. Which brings me to my point....I had good friends stop speaking to me after I decided to keep my baby. My parents begged me to have an abortion. For me, the pressure was absolutely the other way around--folks not only thought I was crazy to keep the kiddo, they also, far and wide, thought that I was making a decision that was MORALLY WRONG. Fucked up, and just mean and immature. I was told as much by lots of folks. I'm glad I had my kid. I wish that every woman of reproductive age was more empowered in every reproductive choice she has. I had my kid, but I did it very uninformed, and I did it with the impression that I was misbehaving by bringing a child into this world. I wish that women had the freedom to make these decisions without all of the political and religious baggage happening right now, and I'm glad that places like hipmama exist. That's all, folks. Just wanted to throw my tired-ass two cents worth of opinion, and many more cents of my own experience in there. "Do not speak--unless it improves on silence." ~ buddhist saying and i never regretted it. in fact, i look back and thank elvis above that even in my state of confusion, the abuse i was subjected to, the vulnerability i had to malevolent people who would have me do something else, i made the right decision. i was lied to and treated badly by the sperm donor. i know, right, get in line. all 30 of us at the clinic that day were lied to and treated badly by their respective sperm donors. if i knew then what i know now, i wouldn't have involved the donor in the process. i wanted him to know how much it hurt. i wanted him to feel responsible. he didn't care that it hurt, and he didn't feel at all responsible. he lied to his current girlfriend about me, because she was also pregnant, and she chose differently. sucks for her. so obviously no, i don't think that the donors have any say in how an unplanned pregnancy is dealt with. in fact, in my perfect world, every woman facing an unplanned pregnancy would be swept up in the arms of a supportive woman community, and not allowed to even talk to that donor for at least two months, so she's not swayed one way or another by promises or guilt trips. her female friends would talk to her about what they've done, what the procedure is really like, what raising a child as a single mother is really like and be reliable sources. then after she decides, she can go tell the donor she's pregnant, if she thinks that's a good idea. parental notification laws are a way to classify female citezens as less that whole citizens. that's all it is, i think. i think it actually has nothing to do with abortion or life, it's a way to set a precedent of a woman having to go before a court and prove to judge taht she's making the right choice. because taht's how those situations play out. the woman is required to get parental notification, then she has to go to court and tell a judge her whole family business to prove taht's not a good idea in her case. so, it necessarily follows taht in that proceeding she has to plead for the abortion too, and describe the circumstances around the unplanned pregnancy. start to finish, it's intended to degrade women. “They think I do not know a buttload of crap about the Gospel, but I do!� I think parental notification is really only part of the problem. Having been pregnant at 14 I can honestly say that my parents finding out about an abortion was the least of my worries. (My parents are extremely pro-choice and I knew that at the time). I knew that abortion existed but I had no idea WHERE to get one or HOW I would pay for it. Shoot... I'll have to finish this later. you made my point, your parents were pro choce and you knew it. your parents are not the parents i am worried about. if a girl is safe to tell her parents she is pregnant, whether it is going to suck, or not, then she will tell them. the ones that really fear telling their parents usually have good reason to not tell them...like, abuse, getting thrown out, forced or fobidden to abort, etc. "If moderation is a fault, then indifference is a crime."-Jack Kerouac I remember a young girl that I went to the "alternative" school for pregnant teens with. She was also real young - 13 or 14 - and Asian. I think either Cambodian or Hmong. What I remember most was seeing the look in her eyes. She was being forced to carry that baby to term and she would be forced to care for it after it's birth. She had no other choices and no other options. She was a minor and it was culturally unacceptable for her to abort or to adopt out. It was a horrible thing to watch. She never confirmed, but I highly suspect that her pregnancy was a result of incest by an older family member. To this day, I wonder about her. I wonder how her life has turned out? Her baby would be an adult now. Like me, she just didn't have the resources to make some educated choices before it was too late. (FWIW, most states to have a way around parental notification laws but the process is pretty involved.) Again, the question of access? I wonder if the internet has given teens more resources? I know when I volunteered at a Women's Resource Center we had regular calls from pregnant teens. You know, I still can't articulate why I didn't tell my parents. You are right in that I *could* tell my parents and still I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew they wouldn't kick me out. I knew they wouldn't physically harm me. Imagine how someone feels that really and truly can't tell their parents... I think, honestly, that even amongst people who are pro-choice that they largely ignore the issue of teens. It is not pc. the law is, pregnancy emancipates you. unless the law changed since this country has we've become more of a theocracy. but even still, a lot of girls don't know that. it's not like they teach it to you in health class. if i was a health teacher i'd remind teh kids in every class. “They think I do not know a buttload of crap about the Gospel, but I do!� Even in some of the schools where they give out birth control, I don't think they give out any "If you become pregnant" resources that include how to obtain an abortion without a parent's consent. Not to mention that in a lot of areas there aren't even ANY abortion providers that are easily accesssible to teens. If you become pregnant in Minnesota the ONLY place you can obtain an abortion is the Twin Cities Metro area which could be a 2-6 hour drive for some people. (They've apparently found a way around the 24-hour waiting period by having a Dr. call and talk to the patients so they don't have to make two trips into the city). It's crazy. The whole thing is disconcerting. grassroots organizing campaign: Making anonymous little photocopied booklets and getting them to teenagers... The world is the size of our passion for changing it.- Subcomandante Insurgente Marcos Yeah. I was pregnant at 16 and I knew my mom would be OK with whatever I wanted to do, so I told her. If I hadn't told her, there would have been no way for me to have had an abortion, since you had to drive hours to a big city and come up with hundreds of dollars. How are young or poor or unsupported people supposed to do that? I don't think a man has a right to be against abortion. Like it has been said a man will never know what it is like to carry a child in his body, he will never know the fear of an unexpected (hell even expected) pregnancy and all that it entails. If a male partner wants to offer his opinion he is free to do so and if the woman cares to listen then she can. but the idea that a man would be able to give permission for a woman he got pregnant to abort is absurd. A man knows how to prevent pregnancy just like a woman does if he doesn't want to be a father than he needs to take some reponsiblity to make different sexual choices. I agree with the other mamas about the parental notification laws. I hope my daughter and i have the kind of relationship that she could come to if she is ever faced with this decsion, but if we don't I would never want a law like this to prevent here from doing what she needs to do or put her in the place where she would have to do something dangerous. These kind of laws are just another way to devalue children and veiw them as property the same way trying to make abortion illegal devalues women and veiws them as property. What i find scary is how few doctors and OBs are learning how to perform D&C. That some med schools aren't even offering for students to learn the procdures. I believe this to be criminal. I have not had an abortion. Many of my friends have had them- some several times. Some of these women know they made the right decision and have no regrets while some struggle every day with the decisions they made. I agree punkmama- there's no "right" way to feel. Abortion should definitely be a woman's choice no matter what. I had one at 19, but it wasn't my choice, even though now that I look back it was probly better that way. The guy I was with started calling abortion clinics when my period was a day late. I didn't even think I was regnant yet. I was, and I did go to Planned Parenthood and was "undecided about the pregnancy" but scheduled an abortion appt. in like a month thinking I could always cancel. I wanted to keep the baby, he didn't. The day of the appointment we went out, got coffee, and I started crying. Begged him to keep the baby. He said we didn't have the money to have a child. At that moment I thought I guess I will go, let them give me painkillers and let them go ahead with it. And I did. I was 12 weeks, not too far along. I came home and milk started coming out of my nipples, or I guess early formation of milk. I got severely depressed, watched tv and didn't come out of my house. Remember attachedmama? She wrote something on the topic here a looong time ago that I liked so much that I still remember it. "I had two and I'm torn.. i thought of that post too, couldn't remember who said it. thanks for pulling it up. "If moderation is a fault, then indifference is a crime."-Jack Kerouac I had an abortion when I was 19 and have no regrets about it whatsoever.I was incapable of having/raising a child at that point in my life.I felt relieved afterward, as if I had been given a second chance. Sunflower made several very important points in the other abortion thread about the extreme emotional and physical difficulties of pregnancy and how adoption (as a 'solution') can be far more emotionally traumatic than abortion. I am now 23. Giving birth to my dd this past november has solidified my faith in the extreme importance of choice. I choose to have a child this time around. The first time I was pregnant I did not. Every woman should be free to make this choice without the interference of others.If she needs financial assistance in carrying out her choice, then either the man involved or the government should step up to the plate, in a generous and timely manner in order to prevent there from being pressure on a woman to go EITHER way. "In light of this, something that really bothers me is what I view as the 'commodification' of childbearing and childrearing that has occured, where they are seen as only to be encouraged in people who have attained a particular socioeconomic status." this is EXACTLY how i feel. my baby (a human, a person, a being) is NOT just some cog in the socioeconomic machinery. the way it is viewed, as consumers breeding consumers, is absolutely disgusting to me. life is a choice, no matter when or how it takes place. just like i made the choice to prevent a life, i have made the choice to create it. especially when you are a feminist or anarcha-feminist, it is seen that making a choice to abort is revolutionary, yet making a choice to reproduce is submissive. it is my reproductive freedom to make either choice, and isn't that what is most important. my cunt, my choice. period. "especially when you are a feminist or anarcha-feminist, it is seen that making a choice to abort is revolutionary, yet making a choice to reproduce is submissive." this is so true. personally I feel that my choice to reproduce was a revolutionary act, more so than having an abortion this time. It ran straight against the commodity-logic of all the jr. BoBo's around me. Also it stepped out of line with the false idea that a woman's dedication to her political ideals suffers when she becomes a parent, when in reality becoming a mother simply creates another pathway through which to deconstruct and attack patriarchy in particular and hierarchy in general. In some ways, parenting is the ultimate arena in which someone who is aware and progressive can enact change and try to chip away at the structures of opression throughout our society.Having and keeping a child , for an anarcha-feminist, is like saying 'i believe this way of being is sustainable and integral to the sucess of future generations'. 'i believe this way of being is sustainable and integral to the sucess of future generations'. yup. totally. which is why i have loved working with the teenage homeless moms. to help them stop buying into the shit attitude that they fucked up and now must be grateful and redeem themselves. "If moderation is a fault, then indifference is a crime."-Jack Kerouac Every time I've been pregnant I've been subjected to the well-meaning 'This isn't a very good time to have a baby, is it?' from just about everyone. It's been a (barely) unspoken truth that everyone thought that my pregnancies were irresponsible. I think it's bullshit, this waiting to have a great career, and a house in the 'burbs, and savings, and a nursery, and blah blah blah before you can responsibly have kids. Fuck that. I know lots of people who are doing just that, and I applaud them for having it all figured out. But just 'cause I didn't plan my kid and am raising her without a lot of money or security doesn't make me any less responsible. I've often wanted to distribute flyers to teen moms and poor moms that say 'You have not fucked up your life! Your choice was not irresponsible and invalid! Even if you're on welfare, you don't owe anybody any explanations! You can do it!' The world is the size of our passion for changing it.- Subcomandante Insurgente Marcos |
haven't really thought about this one in awhile.
I had one awhile back. I was in a loving, long-term relationship and we were both responsible adults but it wasn't the right time. We ended up breaking up a couple years later and now I am married to someone else...and I don't really know if he will ever get married. When I am totally honest with myself, I think...I could have had that baby then and things probably would have worked out fine, different, but fine. We would have gotten married and been good parents and my life would be so different right now. It's really strange for me to think about because sometimes I feel sort of elitest for not having that baby right then. Like...I should have but didn't.
Anyway...fast-forward many years and I am so so so happy that I didn't . I love my life now. I love my child and my husband and I although we have had our struggles are doing good right now. I cannot imagine what life would have been like having a baby at 24 or however old I was instead of 29. I have a husband, we own a home. I have a career, I have worked in my field for a number of years. I have a Roth IRA, my child has a 529 college fund...and now I am living out my dream of being an ex-pat living in Mexico.
Anyway...obviously I am still a bit conflicted about it.
I am conflicted about the dad getting a say also. Of course in a perfect world (where there is no rape and assault etc. etc.) then I would think that if two decent people had sex then they should be able to sit down and discuss whether or not they want to have a baby. Idealistic, I know. But...it would be nice. I would like to see father's have more rights in general.
As far as parental notification...absolutely not. I agree with LP. Hopefully I can instill a sense of genuine trust in my kid that he or she feels comfortable and safe talking with me about a decision such as this.
I hope that you get the job too Punky. I think you would make a great abortion counselor. I'm sending up some vibes.
"No matter how cynical you get it's impossible to keep up," Jane Wagner