i was having a conversation with a fellow hipmama that made me start thinking about this, three or four trains of thought removed...
what do you teach your child/ren about what women are like? because, like it or not, we are contributing more hard data on that than any other source.
also, what is your s/o, if they are a different sex or gender than you, teaching your kids about what men are like?
i think that i am hypervigilant to a degree, having studied (too much?) early childhood development, therefore believing what i do about the mother/father imprint on children.
so, i think that i am teaching vincent some good things, and some not so good. i know that i am teaching him a non-traditional standard of beauty for women, not only because of my appearance, but because of my attitudes and behaviors around this cultures fucked up "fascist beauty standards" [1]. i know that i am not threatened by his independence and i am comfortable in my parenting style, grounded in science rather than anecdote, but also having a good dose of my own self-reflection.
not so great...some of my thinking about males is still a bit bash-y being as i am the mother of one. i am challenging myself to let go of the remnants of the anger that i have towards a couple of men in particular so that my son doesn't learn any crap from me on that issue.
whih brings me to...what were you taught? i happen to love and get along really well with my parents. this is partially because i see them for the human beings that they are. and as far as learning crap...my parents have CRAZY old school gender roles, especially since my mom is INTELLECTUALLY a feminist, and taught me all the rudiments of feminism as a young girl. example...i was at my parent's wednesday night, and my mom and i made dinner while my dad watched tv, then we ate, then she took vinny back for a bath while i did the dishes and my dad...returned to the couch. he ambled back into the kitchen on a commercial break to ask me if there was any desert.
my dad is the breadwinner. he is 72, still working. still loves his work. my mom is 62, also still working, also loves her work. she has worked since my sis and i started first grade. so my dad isn't the sole breadwinner. in his head, though, it is all he is good at. and my mom still, always, has been the domestic goddess.
in some ways, i hold myself to the same double whammy of a standard. work, and be the householder too. but i am ruthless about punkpapa not treating me like household help, which he doesn't (generally) cause i have made it clear from the get go that is a fucking dealbreaker.
so.
i have this little boy, and i want to make sure that he learns equality, which in my opinion trumps right and wrong and everything else. so i am going to be thinking about and probably writing about and definitely discussing with punkpapa these issues in the next couple of weeks.
and of course, i want to know what you think. if you know, cause i know now that i am very fuzzy on all of these issues. i know the thoughts, the experiences, but i have not assimilated them, crystallized them, into a product that i feel will translate with my son.
kwim?