let me warn you that this is about sex. well lack thereof actually. i don't know what the heck i am doing. maybe it's because i was 5 years younger during my first pregnancy and wasn't taking care of a child already while working, but i don't remember it being this uncomfortable. and by uncomfortable, i don't mean painful...maybe awkward is a better word. i am a little bigger than i was the first time and i am not a big person to begin with, but everytime i climb on top of DH i feel like i am smothering him and i get embarassed. i can actually feel my face burning. there is no good position i can come up with for our very limited foreplay that doesn't result in my reflux acting up other than me just laying there on my side. it gets pretty old pretty quick.

we haven't had sex in two weeks, which to me isn't that big of a deal. my urges aren't coming as frequently as they used to, but i honestly feel bad for him. i'm in the middle of my 32nd week, so that is going to be a long dry spell for him if i cut it off now.

i don't want to cut it off now, but i just feel so awkward and clumsy. i feel like a beached whale next to his skinny tall body and there is absolutely nothing sexy in my mind about how i look. he feels differently, he has said nothing to make me feel like he finds me less attractive, it's all in my head. i find myself putting the body pillow between us so there is no way he could reach over and start something and i feel awful about it especially since this is my body issue and nothing he's done. aaccckkk.