so we finally arrived home from our vacation, barely in one peice. but, we're going to move back to salt lake city soon, and i have to come up with the means to do it, which is like a bad joke. my 13 month old met her father while we were out there. he decided that he does want to be involved, and we're working out a joint custody arrangement. he's not a bad guy, he's just young and dumb. gracie liked him alot. i think it'll be ok if we don't have to depend on him for anything. my main issue with it is that i have always done everything and i'm not sure how she'll respond to someone else trying to put her to bed or give her a bath. i
d like to ease her into the change, but i'm not sure how? any advice in that arena? and i'm nervous because i've always made all the decisons concerning her and now i have to take stupids feelings into account, and he's kinda, well, stupid.
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My strongest piece of advice
My strongest piece of advice is not to force her to sleep at his home. My ex & I did that initially and we were raising her together in the same home for her first 3 years! Anyway it was awful. My daughter was anxious and upset a lot on the weekends. Finally we agreed to let her make the decision. Now she doesn't spend the night with him and she seems much happier. I spoke with a therapist about it & she agreed that we shouldn't force it. When they are forced all it does is make the time with daddy stressful instead of what it should be. Not sure if this was what you were planning but thought I should share my experience. Lots of luck! And I'm so happy for your girl that her daddy wants to be involved. Another word of caution is giving him any decision making authority. At this point he doesn't know her and you've described him as being stupid...do you want this man to have any authority over your daughter's future?
"mommy, i AM a goddess."
- my daughter at 2 1/2 years
baby aren't we all?
I found god in myself and I loved her,
I loved her fiercely.
Ntozake Shange
thank you! i don't want him t
thank you! i don't want him to have any real authoritity, but i have to at least fake it a little if i don't want things to get ugly.
It's great that he wants to b
It's great that he wants to be involved. But before you sign on to the joint custody thing you might want to have a trial period. Just to make sure he is serious. A good friend ex's decided he wanted to be involved when her little guy was just under 2. They had a great arrangement for almost a year, and Dad just one day decided he was done. And it was horrible. Her little boy was just in shambles. And I can imagine, being left once is bad enough, but twice is just cruel. I only say this as you said he was kind of stupid. He might just have to settle being around but not really a decision maker until he has more than proved himself to be Daddy and not sperm-donor.
And if he is a decent person he'll get that your little one's needs matter most and that his feelings are like any other parents-last. I lived in Salt Lake for about 4 years about 4 years ago. I worked at the Salt Lake Roasting Co. for a good chunk of that time. And I remember 9th and 9th when it was still great. Salt City records, Park Ivy, Tower, and Coffee Garden. I think Coffee Garden is still there, but everything changed so much at the end. I blame that Starbucks across the road. And for Portland, OR being so much hipper, the Indian Food her can't compare to Bombay House there. I actually kind of miss good old Salt Lake. Everyone always thinks that it's such a weird place, which it is, but it has some really cool elements. But the last time we went there to visit friends I almost didn't recognize it. Anyhow good luck to you! Keep us posted.
I hear you! I fake being nic
I hear you! I fake being nice to him all the time...all in the name of keeping the peace. I had the experience of a husband that NEVER spent time alone with his daughter to being separated and he spent every weekend with her then to his having a new girlfriend and never being around for his daughter again. Granted he's not altogether gone but I don't want my daughter treated like a yo-yo. We are actually not officially divorced yet & we entered into the separation talking about co-parenting but now I'm going ahead and trying to get sole legal custody. Doesn't give me everything I would like but the only thing that would is a mack truck out of control right around 9:30 am on rt. 12 northbound...sorry...my mean streak is showing.
"mommy, i AM a goddess."
- my daughter at 2 1/2 years
baby aren't we all?
I found god in myself and I loved her,
I loved her fiercely.
Ntozake Shange