little girls and being topless...not creepy, i promise

studentmom's picture
Tue, 04/27/2004 - 13:27 -- studentmom

so, I was curious if any of you mamas have dealt with the drama of your little girl going topless and having other parents and especially other kids act all weird...I think it is so f'in ridiculous that my SIX yr old can't go without a shirt on a hot day without feeling uncomfortable and feeling like she has to hide her chest, I have always told her that she should just go w/o a shirt, and she doesn't even have breasts to hide, "which she shouldn't have to anyway" but I don't think I can tackle that social norm quite yet, but my god, why are our children so sexualized or is it just puritan leftovers, of body=filth...what are your takes on this issue?

Comments

Dawnschilde's picture
Submitted by Dawnschilde on

Society is getting SO uptight... I saw an add the other day with two little kids, about three or four standing back to back in undies. But the little girl (clearly such due to cute pigtails) was in a SHIRT. I stared and stared at the add trying to figure it out. What was different... Why was she in a shirt? It was an add for UNDERWEAR. Then I figured it out. Some top exec figured that if the little girl were topless there would be an outcry. Poor dude/dudette probably even realized how ridiculous it was but decided to go for it anyway. It was a lose/lose situation for an add; piss of the conservatives or the naturalists. Problem is they were right. I think that in our culture right now there would be a bigger outcry for her being w/o a shirt than with. Pretty damn sad. I hate that it's an issue at all!

I hope to have a daughter someday soon. Your post has given me a new daydream: I picture myself looking at someone making that fuss to me straight in the eye and (innocently) asking them, "Oh, are we supposed to protect her *potential* breasts now too?" (I can get away w/potential cause with the large exception of myself all the other women are AA's!) I can just picture it some person responding to me by leaning in and whispering, "oh, you know, weirdos..." And me whispering back, "Where?"

Seriously, my son looks the same as his little girl friends his age when they are all shirtless. It scares me to think that people are sending little girls messages that there is danger in the body so young.

Peace,

DC

Hate corrodes the vessel that carries it. -Anonymous

Write your hurts in sand.
Carve your blessings in stone. - Unknown

Children should be seen and heard and believed.

Hate corrodes the vessel that carries it. -Anonymous

Write your hurts in sand.
Carve your blessings in stone. -Unknown

dragdyma's picture
Submitted by dragdyma on

I remember when I was little probably five or six, we were at a Texas Rangers game and it was sooo hot. A lot of men had their shirts off and I asked my mom and dad why I couldn't take mine off. Being the great parents they are they said "I don't know why you can't. Go ahead" So I did, for about five minutes until everyone stared at me and my parents like we were all sickos. I was the one who decided the other people were making ME uncomfortable and put my shirt back on. If my girl wants to topless more power to her!

ChiMom's picture
Submitted by ChiMom on

We were visiting my mother in-law when gwen who's now 3 was 6 months and we were doing the sink bath thing. So my partner in crime started taking pics. And my mil starts covering her from neck to knees with the washcloth.I was so pissed i mean you're supposed to have those embarassing naked baby shots to freak her out when she's 16. But the bigger reason is she was sexualizing my baby and saying she was dirty. Let them go shirtless hell i don't buy baby bikinis(which i find a bit creepier) for the beach.

Ms msgirl's picture
Submitted by Ms msgirl on

You know, you are TOTALLY right-on with that analysis, Dawnschilde! I had never made the connection till your snappy day-dream comeback -- potential breasts, potential children, all hints and shadows of reproduction-yet-to-come must be policed and controlled from a little girl's birth. We can't let our little girls have access to birth control or sex education about all their options, in the interest of protecting their *potential* children, no matter how non-existent, and so of course it follows that we have to protect their *potential* breasts, too -- anything that hearkens to women's power of childbearing is so inherently terrifying in this culture, no matter how far in the future it may be for your (and my) not-yet born daughters.

This is just flabbergasting and so utterly creepy to me, that people already see these baby grrls as sexual beings -- and see them as possessing the oh-so-intimidating power of creating and sustaining life! Because that's what they're really afraid of -- that women (and future women) could control our sexuality and reproduction. I don't mean to derail this topic at all, I just wanted to give props to Dawnschilde for her hilarious and insightful analysis!

KA's picture
Submitted by KA on

It's crazy for girls of any age. When it's hot in the summer I often dream of those countries where grown women can go topless without getting stared at, well besides young boys seeing the pictures in National Geographic. The crazy thing is breasts are really not a "sexual" thing in evolution terms. I know they are sexual though so I guess that's the problem people have. Which is just dumb because while girls do develop early (I had a friend with breasts at 8), if they look just like a boys, what's the harm. My favorite thing about having a backyard is my daughter gets to be a nudist in the summer and I don't have to worry about people who sexualize toddlers.

Shekina's picture
Submitted by Shekina on

I don't mind if Kai goes topless. This afternoon she was naked in the kiddie pool with a bunch of her friends- boys and girls. When I was growing up in WV, it was so humid in the summer that we would run around in just our panties. I think up until I was about 8 or so. It's so hot in CA today that I wish I could run around topless!

MamaBird's picture
Submitted by MamaBird on

If someone has a problem it is their dirty mind not yours or lil' girls. My kids were/are naked in the house and yard all summer. If we go out they are hot they can strip down to their skivvies if they like. People are so fuckin' scared of sex they can't handle seeing anything that remotely reminds them of their own sexual insecurites. This is also why we can't breastfeed in public without getting stares and dirty looks. I loved when I was nursing because I could pull out my tit in public and piss off a lot of people. i would linger jsut a moment before giving to the babe, just to get a reaction.

portlandmama's picture
Submitted by portlandmama on

That's how I feel. I'm Breastfeeding my 7 week old and I don't care!! I'm giving my son the best start that I can and all those gawking men, disapproving women, and nosey assed old bittys can go f*@% themselves!! I'm tired of hearing how I'm being "immoral" "perverted" or just plain a lazy mom for shoving a tit into his mouth. BAH!! Bah I say!!

Trish
(Portlandmama)
Proud mommy to Xan 03/12/04

Dawnschilde's picture
Submitted by Dawnschilde on

... men in prehistoric times. How magical it all must have seemed then, the Power of the Feminine... What a magical power we must have been perceived to control!

To bleed without a wound. To spit forth life from within. To draw in a happy hard object and transmute it; change it back to a powerless soft shaft... With the power to raise that shaft again with just a glance, a shifting of the hips, a licking of lips...
We knew the plants; how to use them for magic, healing and death.

***We could sustain the young we spent forth with a magical brew, a brew that poured from twin founts that were a part of our very bodies.***

The males were first awed but then began to chafe. Jealosy, anger and frustration began. They figured out that we are less muscular than they and more vulnerable when fear is taken away. We didn't realize while we were busy with the children or in the fields that they began to plot against us. The balance was upset and the pendulum began to swing...

One wonders where it will end up? Has it hit its apex yet? Or have we much, much further to go...

DC

Hate corrodes the vessel that carries it. -Anonymous

Write your hurts in sand.
Carve your blessings in stone. - Unknown

Children should be seen and heard and believed.

Hate corrodes the vessel that carries it. -Anonymous

Write your hurts in sand.
Carve your blessings in stone. -Unknown

Sophie Fairchild's picture
Submitted by Sophie Fairchild on

omg! i cannot believe that people would judge you for breast-feeding a 7 week old! i should really stop being so naieve i guess, but holy shit! "perverted" is feeding your brand-new baby with something made in a factory and put in a can! and lazy? no brand-new mom is lazy! and yes, you are still a brand-new mom -- i mean that in a nice, i-am-so-happy for you way.
thank god i was pretty oblivious to stares etc. when i was nursing. it just rolled right off my back.

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