I'm really trying to bring positive energy into my life, try to make good things happen by focusing on good things and try to either correct or ignore the bad things...but it all seems pretty damn bad right now.

~ I just got a root canal. My mouth hurts.
~ There is a $250 copay that I didn't know about until I was already numbed. DEFINITELY couldn't afford that, had to use the credit card, which I can't afford a payment on right now.
~ I have to go back to my normal dentist for a real filling in place of the temp they put in.-- read more >>

My secondary supervisor made an error on a file-saving process, and as a result I moved forward with a project with the WRONG file. Wasted maybe four hours. I told her in a professional manner that in the future, the files need to be saved and named in a straightforward way so that all related files are grouped together, and then she acted like it was MY fault. The way she had the file named, no one would have found it or known what exactly it was.-- read more >>

To be clear, this is the former girlfriend with whom I'm still on good terms. The one who dumped me for an older woman when I was nine months pregnant is DEAD TO ME, seriously.

K and I have been feeling this increased chemistry and attraction lately, which has been fostering conversations about getting back together for the last few months. Yesterday that really bloomed into a good cuddle and make-out session, and going to a friend's Christmas dinner as a couple, pretty much. We're still not "official," but this weekend it will probably happen. -- read more >>

So I had a dream last night. I was in a meeting or something, and someone handed me the most beautiful little baby boy, all swaddled up. He was awake, and he was my son, and I was very happy with him.

The kicker? I had no clue who his father was. A few different guys came to my mind (all of whom I've been with in recent history), and I couldn't figure it out.

This dream bothers me on numerous levels. -- read more >>

I don't do this very often, but that's all the more reason to do it right now.

~~ Got great (ugly, but warm and like new) boots from Freecycle yesterday! Just in time to shovel last night the powder that came down yesterday.

~~ I rediscovered a joy in shoveling. It hadn't been working for me before, namely because I had been hella cold and a perfectionist. When I focused on getting it DONE not getting it looking like Martha Stewart's driveway, I was able to make much more progress, and my boots made a huge difference in that project. -- read more >>

Yo!

I'll keep it quick, 'cause I'm at work and have a meeting soon.

I want to do strands of paper cranes in my living room. Don't know how many cranes, but it would be cool to do the full 1,000 if the space allows. I want 2 or 3 colors that are pretty with my orange walls (maybe red, purple, dark blue or something more neutral). But here's the kicker...I'd feel really guilty if I didn't use recycled paper. Most origami paper isn't recycled, and I haven't worked with the stuff much anyway, favoring recycled office paper and such. -- read more >>

You know, if I didn't have such a good social consciousness lens on, I'd probably feel like shit about my life constantly.

My coworker is getting her dog a ton of presents for Christmas. I can't afford to buy my 19-month-old anything (she'll have plenty from grandparents and such, she won't be stiffed). I can't get my CHILD anything for Christmas, and this wench is spending like a hundred bucks on her fucking pug?

*deep breath*

Hey, mamas. I'm looking for some feedback about the website for my single parents group. We have a fair number of people interested at this point, and at this point I'd be perfectly happy if they were actively participating, but the first two get-togethers we had, only one other family came, and it's looking like that so far for our next one, too. Am I chasing people away, somehow? Check it out: www.meetup.com/fargo-moorhead-single-parents, 'cause I don't know how to link on here.

Oh man oh man.

Hit the walk-in clinic this morning (again). I have tonsilitis (again). Might be strep (again). Doctor mentioned mono (again) and actually tested for it this time.

I suppose it makes sense. There aren't TOO many reasons a person would be sick three times in four weeks. But I don't want to have mono! Single mama, no family around, my friends don't have kids and thus don't really understand my life. And my lover-friends will be pissed if they've gotten it from me. Oh, man. I'm scared. Vibe me for good test results, mamas. -- read more >>

Hey, all.

So in the past, I'd always do the night routine with H: diaper change, bottle, brush teeth, read 2-3 books, finish by rocking/nursing to sleep and then set her in bed. She'd be good to go pretty much for the night, but from starting the bedtime routine to her being asleep usually takes an hour and a half. An hour of rocking.

That's more time than I want to spend on that project, not gonna lie. I'm tired, I want my me time. But if I just go through the routine and set her in bed, she'll crawl out, even if I'm sitting there with her. How can I do this? -- read more >>

I'm so pissed right now. I mean, I'm trying to tell myself that either his mind will be opened when we spend more time together as friends, or he's simply not the right person for me.

But here's the deal--he's a grad student in plant pathology at the (amazing) agricultural department of the state U in town. He's from Guatemala. Long hair, spiritual, liberal, smart...so great. We've been talking online for the last month, and have been planning to get together after he defends his thesis next week. -- read more >>

I'm selling a bunch of stuff. I want the money, and I want the stuff out of my life. Figurines, clothes, whatever. -- read more >>

My supervisor is getting over being sick, and she's at work. We were kinda comparing symtoms, making small talk, and I explained that before our big fundraiser, my throat felt like hers sounded last week. I wasn't competing in the suffering contest (that I plan to do Wednesday, when we have our "meeting" to wrap up the event, so she knows how fucking sick I was the week I worked overtime, so she maybe cuts me some slack for some things not being perfect.)

Her response? "Well, you feel better if you're up, doing something. You feel worse if you just lay in bed, right?" -- read more >>

My coworkers are talking about the excitement of going to B*stB*y at 2 a.m. Friday morning after Thanksgiving.

Some people have been camping out there. Since MONDAY. To get in line for Friday's sales. It's FUCKING COLD OUT, morons. -- read more >>

I just finished at the walk-in clinic. I have bacterial tonsilitis and an ear infection. I want someone to knock me out until these horsepill antibiotics take effect. -- read more >>

This is the most stressful time of year for my job, the next two weeks. And I have all the usual stuff going on in my Life Outside Work. I really feel like I can't handle it. I want to binge. I want to crawl into bed and stay there for two weeks. I know this is hell on my body (short term, because I'll be sick after it's done, and long term, because I binge and such.) -- read more >>

So I'm like a month behind on all of my bills (due to laziness, not ability to pay) and now I'll be out for at least a couple of days. H has been exposed to pinkeye, so no one wants to take care of her, and until we figure out if she actually has it, the Dr. won't prescribe her anything...

This is THE WORST time of year to be MIA, in my job. *sigh* Ohhh well.

The daycare informed me a few weeks ago that H (now almost 18 months) is exhibiting all the signs of being ready for potty learning. She cleans up messes, she's really interested in the toilet, she has dry diapers for extended periods of time, etc. They've been working with her there a bit, letting her sit on the toilet with the little toilet seat and whatnot, and I got the same setup for the house.

Now what?-- read more >>

Except shop online for some clothes for work; does that count? Got great sales at L*ne Br**nt! Roughly 60% off, after gift "cheque." And I think they'll be cute.

But that doesn't change the fact that I really should have gotten fired today. I want to use the excuse that I'm stressed about tomorrow, but really, I don't know what's going on.

And I've decided (once again) that I can't be trusted with food. I bought a bunch of clearance Halloween candy for some dumb reason, and I'm pretty sure I ate over half of it today. HOLY CHRIST.

Hey, mamas.

I have a lot on my mind and a lot on my plate these days. Feeling pretty overwhelmed, and not doing a good job on the self-care. I'm stuck, though, because everything I'm doing is really important and I enjoy it. *sigh* So I think I might be just a BIT too busy... -- read more >>

So I was chatting along, minding my own business late Wednesday night, when my laptop started making this horrible clicking sound.

I have a good virus-scan software, it's never given me any trouble before, so I thought it might just be blinking out, because it's like a five-year-old machine. I did a forced shutdown and turned it on again.

Black screen. Error message. It couldn't find the operating system. Couldn't start in safe mode. Horrible clicking sound remained.-- read more >>

For inspiration, check out this article: http://www.in-forum.com/articles/index.cfm?id=217401&section=valleyrr

H has had a diaper rash with blisters for like three weeks. I took her to the walk-in last week and the said to just put an antibiotic ointment on open sores, then put hydrocortisone creme on everything, followed by diaper rash cream on the whole area. So we've been doing that at daycare and at home, and I try to let her go diaper free or at least coverless whenever possible at home (at which point I don't put any of that crap on so the skin can actually breathe.) -- read more >>

I've been tossting this around my mind pretty intently for the last couple of hours.

My fuck buddy is a great, GREAT lover in terms of skills, demeanor, tastes, style, the questions he asks. Not the best-looking guy I've ever been with, but a good build overall. No emotional chemistry, but we're good between the sheets.-- read more >>

My good friend and I figured out what H and I are going to be for Halloween.

H is going to be John McCain, and I'm going to be Sarah Palin.
Couldn't think of anything scarier! Mwa ha ha...we might even actually go trick-or-treating for a while.

I feel so subversive, dressing my then-17-month-old girl as a 70+ male politician.