Plotting and scheming. Damn, I picked her up and carried her into the house because I forgot. Her next nap, I tell myself. Watching her scratch knowing her nails are too long causes my gut to ache. I wait. She lays down for a nap, a day later than I was hoping to get the job done. She twists and turns, fighting sleep. I try to stay patient because her complete deep sleep is required. I tell Max to stay out, mama’s putting Bella down for a nap then clipping her nails. Finally, she falls asleep. I sneak away, get the clippers, and clip. Safe.--read more >>

I'm drunk. And want a cigarette. My son is climbing on me wanting to look at dinosaur pictures. Oh, I am PMS'ing. too. I just told Hal that I don't care if he thinks it is gross to smoke, I want to do it, so I will. I just have too much pride to buy anything but American Spirit or something akin to that and the store that sells them is closed. I'd have to cross a highway to get smokes and would only be able to get the "more" toxic ones. I'm too drunk to drive. I wish I had a neighbor friend.--read more >>

In a recent conversation I felt strangely defensive with the question, “So what’s going on with you these days?” My only thought was, “I’m cutting up potatoes for me and the kids.” The defensiveness came in when I felt like I should have more to report. --read more >>

Bella has been enjoying her new range of mobility and her new awareness of the use of Objects. She'll be 18 m/o August 2nd. I often find her standing on a stool or box looking so enthused and proud of her elevated status. Like most homes with toddlers, we have a stool in front of the bathroom sink so that Max can brush his teeth, wash his hands and look in the mirror like a big kid. Oh yeah, and so he can move it to climb up and plant his ass on the toilet when he needs to take a dump. Well, Bella LOVES this stool.--read more >>

The slowness of the weekdays has me anticipating the weekends with Hal. Weekend where arrrrre yoooooou??? I love his new Monday-Friday, 9-5:30 schedule (unless he goes in early, then he gets off early!). He bought us tickets for the first showing (one of em' anyway) of Batman, Saturday early afternoon. I'm so excited! And as Hal and I like to exclaim to one another, "Something to live for! Alright!"--read more >>

Hal and I have been enjoying all our new things.

I’ve started buying white linens so that I can add a little bleach to the wash. And so that when my bathroom wash clothes get moldy, I am forced to throw them away because I can’t ignore what I can see. Oh, the joys of cleaning. I do enjoy cleaning. Parts of it, anyway.--read more >>

The other night when Hal came home from work, he did an extra-special groping in honor of his attraction to me because I wear sweat pants and T-shirts. Apparently, business casual just doesn’t do it for my husband. He likes a women dressed in materials that grip her body in the most gawd-awful ways. The better to grope you in, my dear.

Grope away, my love. Just don’t touch the tits.--read more >>

anyone have a great recipe for veggie lentils/lentil soup? got a bag in the pantry i wanna use.

have ya'll noticed all the slamming of homebirth going on in the media right now? the ama and acog were threatened by the truths spoken about in the film, business of being born. they have launched a full fledged campaign against homebirth.

I think I'm going to mass e-mail this but I'll start with ya'll:--read more >>

We have had family in town all week and whew, I have been getting my drink ON. I’ve drank and smoked (cigarettes, people. I’m a social smoker when drinking) three times this month. Whoa, call me a party girl. When I start to question whether or not I should be enjoying my life in this way, I think to myself, “It’s July, its family, and my children are safe.” Hal doesn't drink and is my solid companion in all aspects of parenting. He supports my drinking because of its fringe benefits to him.--read more >>

I have purposely avoided this blog because I have spent thousands of dollars in the past two weeks on big ticket items. Mini van, 40” flat screen TV, Blu-ray DVD player, Tempurpedic bed… that’s a shit load of money in a very short period of time. Hey, when it rains it pours. I happen to love the rain.

For the need to write this entry, I have to view my bank account for the first time in over two weeks. I feel anxiety as I type this, because as I type this, I haven’t actually looked at the account yet. I’m saving that step for last.--read more >>

The summer heat has pushed all my desire to go outside back into the house. That fantasy of setting up our little kiddy pool and having lunch on the porch everyday? DEAD. When I look out the window and see the neighbor’s pool letting off steam, I just assume stay inside.--read more >>

How I would describe myself these days, and this isn't to say I've always been this way or always will be this way...--read more >>

i have been contemplating what my direction is in life outside of mothering. mothering is no doubt the most important role i will ever take on, however, i know it can't be my only role. i want more. i'm ready for more. and i think i found what that "more" is.

i want to go into the field of public health. i want to advocate for normal childbirth from the inside of our system.

i'm looking at this program:

http://health.usf.edu/publichealth/generalpubhealthminor.html--read more >>

MIL buys these GAWD-AWFUL yogurts for Max that have crappy characters on them claiming, HE just throws these things into the cart! So funny. Why not just say, I love buying him what he wants, its part of the fun of being a grandma! Nope, that would be too much honesty. Its better to blame the kid.

Anyway, per his usual morning snack request, I gave him one of those crappy character yogurts. However, not before carefully cleaning the cup out and transferring his soy yogurt into it.--read more >>

Turns out, there’s not much more to say about my dad’s visit. It was a shock, I got over said shock, and enjoyed his one day visit. I learned a lot about the history of my family, the reason for the demise of my parent’s relationship, and dad’s history. I saw myself in him, both the parts I love (honesty, candidness) and hate (prideful, hardness). --read more >>

its 12:30am, and i've got to get bella (crying), but i wanted to do a super duper quick update and let you all know that my dad visited at just the right time in my life. i seriously think had it been even a year earlier, it would not have went as well. its only in looking back on the wonderful connections made tonight that i can see where our connections would have missed had it happened any earlier than it did. or at least i speculate, but you know what i'm saying. it turned out well. seriously, almost as meaningful as the births of my own children. it came in second, to them.--read more >>

i'm going to implode. need to vent. quick update because i'm also trying to get my house in *some* order. my bio dad, estranged, started showing signs he wanted a relationship when i had max. he sent stuff, money, b-day cards, money. i accepted it all. sent him pictures. sent him letters with updates. talked on the phone a couple times with him. i have not seen him since i was 10 or 11. --read more >>

friday: $0
saturday: $443.21

friday night...

woo hoo! there's a first time for everything, eh? now if i can just make it to bed without surfing the net. i feel withdrawal coming on. like, i'm starting a list in my head of all the things we "need" around here... bella needs new onsies, i need flowers for my humble garden, i want to start an herb garden, and if i put more thought into it in this moment... you get the point.--read more >>

http://livingonlessbones.wordpress.com/

I'll cross post the entries for you all. Just wanted to share the space.

Gas: $33.30

That's it!

You know how they say you should write down everything you spend so you can see how much money you really spend? Not the amount you think you spend. Well, I started that this month and oh my, for someone who doesn’t leave the house that much, I certainly manage to spend money EVERY TIME I DO.--read more >>

We are in the market for a new (to us) car. The process of looking and deciding is a mixture of fun and stress. Our price limit is $12,000.00. We can put down $4,000.00. We want the payments under $200.00/month. I think we'll find something, eventually.--read more >>

On our way out to the beach we stopped at a local Anna Marie Island café. Max wanted a scoop of Jelly Beans and I went for a fresh fruit smoothie. We took our packed lunches (Max a Subway sandwich, chips and a chocolate chip cookie and me that smoothie) under a big tree that provided all the qualities one looks for in a beach picnic… ants, great shade, and no sand. We ate, talked and then coated our skin with sunscreen in preparation of the sun’s power.--read more >>

1. Saw Iron Man with Hal today, sans the kiddos. LOVED IT.
2. Felt like I could leave both kids at MIL's house for the duration of a movie.
3. Appreciated that MIL didn't feed my kids anything they shouldn't eat!
4. Max said to MIL that he didn't want to spend the night at her house because, "its not fun over here." Whoa! That took me by surprise and she started to rub it in to him that his baby cousin stays over there and he CUT HER OFF and said, "I can't hear my TV!" I didn't say anything to him but, "alright now, its time to go." You know, because it was!--read more >>