I needed to start a new post here because I was so upset by the responses I saw on an existing post. Mamas, there is something very wrong when a group of women can get so hateful about another mother's reproductive choices. I thought Freedom To Choose meant freedom to make whatever choice is right for you! Every mother deserves support, guys! There are lots of stupid fucked up people out there who do a lot of stupid fucked up shit. However, I would really like to think that we as emotive beings are doing everything we can to create a safe place in our community, online and wherever you live, for a woman to work out the biggest decisions in her life. There is nothing more personal. Every option can be a viable option.
I couldn't believe some of the responses I saw! Where is the love??
Dragon Chic, this is nothing against you. You were posting about your personal response to an event in your life-nothing wrong with that.
But I had to point this out because I have seen mamas on here express disbelief that some other mothers had experienced discrimination in their community for choosing to keep their babies. Here it is, folks.
I am so dissapointed. Good night, guys.

Hey, moms out there! Will you give a mom-lady some advice? Or just, you know, discuss at will. How do you guys get stuff done? Especially stuff that brings in money? I left my job a little bit ago because our car crapped out and I was pregnant, and it was becoming too difficult to commnute. What i didn't realize was that my husband was going to lose his job right after that. Oops! I am pregnant, having kind of a difficult pregnancy, and have a 5-year-old and a 15-month-old. I'm with them while my husband goes out to chase the piecework that he's able to find, which is enough to feed us but not enough to pay the bills. We are already living pretty frugally, riding bikes and eatin beans, but more income is going to need to happen. It kills me to not be contributing financially when we are struggling so much! I was doing some babysitting, that fell through but I'm looking for more work there. But the two main questions are these:
1-How does a pregnant lady with two small children bring in some money? Should I just apply for childcare subsidy and get a job even though I'm gonna have a baby here in a bit? OR..what are some ways I can make money w/ my kids in tow?
- How do moms find time and energy to do the things they need to do in order to further their lives? I know that being a mom doesn't mean I CAN'T fulfill mt goals, but I just don't get it. I'm trying to study to become a childbirth educator, and get some writing done, but I feel like between the kids and keeping our heads above the water financially, life is on hold. But it's never going to change if I don't do these things, I feel like. So what's up? How do moms do it?
I think I feel better just asking the questions, though answers would be even better. huh.

Hey mamas!!!
I posted here a few times what seems like a long time ago, when my five year old was a baby. I just found out I'm pregnant with my third, and I'm still nursing my second! She's eleven months old. This is such a surprise, mamas.
I know people get by on very little with three or more kids, but I just don't see how! I'm a high school dropout, working in childcare, and my DH is a landscaper. Not the fancy kind, the barely over minimum wage kind. I really don't feel like financial reasons are compelling enough reasons for me to get an abortion...cuz we are certain to find a way! right? so I logged onto hipmama after a long hiatus, and thought I would seek the wisdom of mothers who have done it before me. We can do it, right? Any tips? I hope anyone reading this is having a wonderful day/night/life...same goes for your kiddos. Hooray for mamas! Oh, shit. I am so scared.

hey brainymom, if you're out there--ssh, it's still a secret irl! thinking of you and your dude and dudette!

Hey, I've been lurking big time, but here I am, in visible text-- hello! I was wondering what you all would do about a kiddo who is very possessive of his mama. My son was all about B. when he was my friend, and he was positively stoked on him when he was the guy that did our neighbor's yard, but now that he's my boyfriend, eh..not so much love shown.
The relationship is new (~3 months), so I keep the dating and momming pretty seperate, but as with all people whose company I enjoy, he's filtering into my life outside of just planned-ahead "dates", which I was never that big on in the first place.

So I was watching this video:

Yeah, Kimya Dawson is the bomb. But beyond that, I was wondering how you guys feel about having to "share" your kid. I mean, for me, I don't feel like I have to share my kid with my kid's dad, because I'm scared of him. But beyond that, there is a crew of people who are related to my kid's dad, who feel like we are their family, much as I don't consider them my family.

What does that mean? It's something that I never really provided for myself, and in many ways, it's a thing that I resent. Of course, that all depends on how we define it. I deeply value mental stability. I value stability in my relationships when I let them start to matter to me. In fact, I don't really let people in, unless I feel like the relationship is stable. All I know is that everyone and their sister's brother's uncle agrees that kids need STABILITY. WHat is that? Does that mean that I can't pick up and put my kiddo in a car and take off on an indefinite road trip? Or does it jus tmean that I make sure my kid is fed regular meals, and that we know where the next one of those meals is coming from, and that we keep our important realtionships alive? Does it mean that my son needs to be secure in where his home is--aside from just "wherever mama's at?" I don't really have any cohesive thoughts on this, but I was wondering what you hipmamas had to say about defining stablity, and it's importance in little dudes' and ladies' lives. I understand that a life where we don't need to think too much about the basics is a life that give sus more space to teach our kids, but..I dunno. It's coming pretty naturally nowadays to take care of myself and my son, and because I'm into it, I LIKE to use every opportunity I can to help my son develop into the best person he can be. It feels good. It's a natural goal for me, one that I don't have to try to care about. So other than these things remaining stable, what is the value of stability, on it's own? And what IS that stuff?

I was on for a bit, and then I couldn't log on for months and I've been lurking. So if you remember me, I'm back! And if ya don't then hey...I want to say hi before you see my name on your blog and wonder who I am. Wishing everyone well!

But what does this mean really? I really hate our culture of diagnosis, it seems like everyone and their brother has a disorder to pin their problems on.. But then again. Where there's an identified problem, there's a solution as opposed to just dysfunctional people with low self esteem walking around, right? I feel like I should seek treatment, because despite my distrust of our healthcare system, my son needs a mom who is doing everything she can to be the best person possible...and what I've been trying on my own to deal is not working super well right now. My main problem is that I have insurance, at least till the end of the year, with Kaiser.

I was at the bar today, just stopping by, and was discussing the Blood Alcohol content that I would have after drinking two beers with a guy that I know, but not that well. He looks at me, and guesses my weight, and stands up to... I dunno, but I put up my hands and tell him "don't touch me." He freaks out, saying I'm unfair, etc, He was just seeing how tall I was compared to him, etc. and so on. But I realized at some point or another that, aside from being a somewhat aggressive female, esp. as far as guys go, I am just plain defensive, and physically so, around guys. Is this weird? I'm a little bit of a man hater, but in a way that I make fun of it. Yeah, I deplore the state of patriarchy in which we exist, and I think it's unhealthy, but as far as feminism goes, I get angry when We Can't All Just Get Along. That is, logically, I think it's ridiculous to exclude people because you're trying to speak up about being excluded in the past. But I've noticed... I really just am scared of guys. I think more than anything, this surprised me. I guess I worry about ending up in bed with a guy I hate, which used to happen with some frequency before I was a mom.

Finally! I mean to make a list, but, well I just haven't been feeling it. but first on my list is:
1- Hipmama. Seriously, I haven't been on that long, but you guys make me laugh out loud, yes that's right lol, every. day.
2- Making an ass out of myself every day (see I include these both in my routine) and feeling like maybe I wouldn't be half as accomplished if I didn't.
3-Low-income housing! In Davis! In a co-op! Low-income housing that doesn't scare/depress the hell out of me! Keep your fingers crossed, ladies, I just may get my ass out of this house soon enough.
4- But if I do have to live with my parents, living with my mom who is cool enough to laugh about catching me in the car, on the driveway, doing something totally indecent with a very nice and unsuspecting young man. After the fact, that is. No really, this really did happen. Yes, I felt like I was fifteen again.

So there's this guy. After I had my son, I decided I'd be celibate for the rest of my life, which I figured would only last until the rest of my life looked a little different than it did at the time. Well. Two abstinent years and a couple of crushes later, there's this guy, this skater kid, who somehow wrangled me into liking him enough to say that I'm seeing him. Some more background: I'm a single mom, and I'm living with my parents right now. I guess I'm just wondering how this goes, with a kid. I'm pretty sure this guy isn't The One, but yeah, I'm sleeping with him, and I'm not sleeping with anyone else, and we'll see where that goes, and that's great for now, which is all it really has to be great for.

they're huge, and sideways. I resized them and rotated them in photobucket before posting, what did I do wrong?EDIT: now theyre small! okay I will learn as I go, folks. here's one more, that's it I PROMISE.

so I hope it works.
Here's the darling boy:

And this is us in Finland on the bus-

I just reread Tove Jansson's Moominvalley books, all of them, which I had read when I was younger. That lady is an effing genius. So what I'm doing right here, is officially recommending these books to yall with kids who either are already reading "chapter books", or are having bedtime stories that aren't necessarily picture books. Because Moomintrolls, and Snufkin and Little My, They Make Me Happy. And that's it. Seriously, The woman is one of the best artists to have created a mass produced set of characters, though they have a cheesy TV version as well, in Finland, where Tove (and I) am from.

So I was driving in my car today, taking my kid to hang out with his friend while I go to class. I look in my rearview mirror and see...is that? It is. It is BD. So I'm driving, and then he pulls up next to me. I give him a weak smile, hoping to just, you know, be able to recof=gnize each other and leave it at that. He responds by shaking his head "no", with ,the face implying an additional "fuck you", making ht emessage: Noway, fuck you, in response to my..smile.... I turn on my blinker to go drop of my kid, and he drops into my lane behind me and follows me there. I try to pretend everything is normal, I'm taking my kid to his childcare, how are you doing? He gets out of his car and asks me "Why the hell am I being shot at?" Now Im not going to repeat the whole conversation here but I basically told him, look, Im sorry if you're being shot at (in the middle of the day, in Davis, CA, nobody else notices, right?), but maybe you should tell the police, I don't know anything about it. So the point is: We have a restraining order against BD because he's mentally unstable, paranoid, a meth addict, and he thinks that I am sending people after him.

anybody know how to keep my paintbrushes nice? I've been using acrylics, and I can't seem to keep my brushes from getting all crusty.

I haven't posted much, esp. not recently, but I am just so damn happy right now I had to tell someone. I have this kid, right? And he can count to two. And we have dance parties, and He went to bed without fighting it too hard. And my mom watched my kid today, I went on a long ass bike ride, watched trains leave and come back, and now Im sitting on my parent's driveway w/ a laptop drinkin a beer and eatin candy. Man. I guess I'm too happy to express myself in a very moving way, but I am just so content. I'm a mess, but everything is rad and sometimes a mess is the best possible thing to be.

But I have to tell you, that when I have to rethink basic, factual statements about my life in order to sound them out in a way that's different from what is natural, in order to make them less... alarming? more acceptable? for general public consumption, I think that generally means that there's something wrong. I am having a hard time lately, but I'm beginning to think that the thing that is wrong with this picture is maybe not all me? Why is it that I feel so normal, but every time I open my mouth to be honest, someone looks at me apologetically? "oh..." akward silence. I dunno. maybe it IS just me, maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with my life and who I am...

I have a buch of leftover cloth diapers, in pretty good condition, a few stains, but you know. I have no idea what to do with them. I don't want to throw them away, don't want to stick them in my garage since I'm trying to clean up, and I don't really see using them in any sewing, really, unless I use them to fill a comforter.. I dunno. I don't think the thrift store will take them... any ideas?

So I never know what to put for my son's race when there's no "other" box. He His dad's nigerian, w/ a white mom and a black dad. I'm white. My son's got blond hair and tan like he's a surfer boy skin, and brown eyes. He looks white, but that's not the whole story, so I feel bad passing him as white, period. I dunno... I wouldn't be thinking about this so much except I just went to the park w/ my boy and a male friend of mine, who happens to be black- he's an islander. I mentioned plans to move to finland, where I'm from, and he was concerned. "Do they have black people in Finland?" Yes, they do, but it's true that until recently it was somewhat unusual to meet black people who are native to Finland.

So I never know what to put for my son's race when there's no "other" box. He His dad's nigerian, w/ a white mom and a black dad. I'm white. My son's got blond hair and tan like he's a surfer boy skin, and brown eyes. He looks white, but that's not the whole story, so I feel bad passing him as white, period. I dunno... I wouldn't be thinking about this so much except I just went to the park w/ my boy and a male friend of mine, who happens to be black- he's an islander. I mentioned plans to move to finland, where I'm from, and he was concerned. "Do they have black people in Finland?" Yes, they do, but it's true that until recently it was somewhat unusual to meet black people who are native to Finland.

But my mood is fine, I just... have really been rebelling against life. My house, not my house but where I live, is sloppy with random crap and to-do piles. This would be easy to fix if it weren't such a mirror of my state of mind, and if I cared? I logically know that the way to feel like a person is to go through the motions, do things that a person who is responsible and cares about life and quality of said life would do... My kiddo and I are fine, but we do more finderpainting and less paperwork and cleaning, and etc. Than we needd to to get out of my parent's house and into habits and life that I can be proud of...We're cool people, but at his point, having trouble growing up. Well I am.

My bubbas, 2 yrs in June, is currently breastfeeding his baby doll. Tenderness abounds as he pats the babies head, and points out to me: "boobie." He is currently obsessed with boobs, his and mine. I'm wondering: if he actually knew any guys intimately, would he not be under the impression that our nipples serve a similar function? But. Just wanted to share this with you y'all; it's very touching to see him so serious, shushing me while the baby falls asleep at his..breast(?), plastered with a whole box of band-aids.

I just realized that i have yet to post a blog, and wanted to say hi! I'm 21, and am a single mom to Leo, who turns 2 in June. I have finals today, and I ought to be studying. I did want to ask though, if anyone had any advice or encouraging words; I'm living with my parents b/c I can't afford a place on my part-time salary, and I feel like w/ school, work, and momming, I'm not doing a great job at any of the three. I know there are people who have made it out of their parent's house/into a more stable spot in life- right now it's feeling really tricky to stay on top, though. Overall: Feeli