doesn't matter really. i have been a lurker and thought i might have an interesting thing to contribute for once...
got this cool book for mother's day, daily thoughts from the double h DL, as i call him, or his holiness the dalai lama.
wanna think with me? this one is so apropos in one part of my life right now:

today:--read more >>

gotta give a big huge public thanks to you for my valentine swap box...what do you CALL those home made nut sugar cream bits of god-came-in-my-mouth?!?! mmmmmm. and the pickles (yes, i ate one right after the other, think thai food, i dunno) are amazing too. all intact, i might add. vincent has already coopted the bear and i am literally hiding the chocolate from my husband right. now.

thank you thank you! kick ass swap partner, this one!

mama, i need your skills.
i dropped my wallet in a parking lot and some douche did some damage on my credit cards. they are cancelled and damage control has been started on that.
BUT...
my fucking social security card was in there cause i just started a new job and they needed it for the I9, blah blah blah...ANYWAY...
i could use a binding spell, sister, cause while the one shop i called where he went trying to spend MY MONEY said it was a kid, i am really afraid that he (or one of his scumbag associates) will figure out that they can do MAJOR damage with that info KWIM?--read more >>

this is so incredibly interesting. the maker of this video asks protesters outside abortion clinics whether abortion should be legal or illegal, and of course they say illegal, because it is murder, killing. then he asks, well what should the punishment be? the same as for murder? needless to say they had nothing to say.
you gotta watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uk6t_tdOkwo--read more >>

so the post about ethical spending got me thinking, and i am a big nerd, so i wanted to share this with you...
using drugstore.com as a pricing point, here is a "cost of laundry" breakdown...

method--.82 a load
mrs. meyers--.59 a load
seventh generation--.44 a load
purex--(from my grocery receipt from target on monday)--.11 a load.--read more >>

ok i am madly in love with margaret cho, this has been the case for many many years. she is guest co-hosting on the view...since she is one of my "friends" on myspace (yeah! me and margaret are like this) i got a bulletin about it so, since i am off on mondays i felt compelled to watch. --read more >>

so i love my bedroom furniture, my mama bought it for us as a wedding gift. well, that and she paid for the wedding, making the furniture kind of a bonus gift, just some cute target home furnishing items.
anyway, it has a weird finish that gets finger prints on it and annoys the shit outta me. so i decided to do something about it...
before...

after...--read more >>

my punk rock boy...

and my moody angel...life is good. so good!

well, things here have been very hectic, very intense at times. still working as a counselor at the abortion clinic, way more hours than i meant to, which is alright but the pay is so crappy i was getting resentful of the time i was missing with vincent, so finally this week i have scaled it back to the three days a week it was originally supposed to be.
my mother in law is coming on saturday and that will be nice, she will stay here and spend time with vincent, maybe punkpapa and i will go out on a date!
may 25 is morrissey, sigh. already have my tickets for that!--read more >>

i do!

the weather is finally breaking here, and i thought i better get vincent to the park before he turned into one of those fish with see through skin and no eyes.

it isn't where i thought i would be after finishing my master's degree, and it makes me wonder if i should have stayed the doctoral course, i am revisiting this in my head as i walk down the hall of my new job, a tupperware bin in my hands, inside the bin a jar with the contents of an abortion sloshing around. i drop the tub off in the pathology lab, switch it out for a clean one, and go back to the room where there is a woman laying on a table waiting for me. this is an amazing place, they were the first legal abortion provider in the state after roe.--read more >>

this has been kicking around im my head for weeks, so i am gonna put it out there.
opinions are really just like assholes, everybody has one and alot of times they are full of shit.
many times, i have decided not to reply to a post on the topic of mental health or addiction because those are my areas of expertise...academically, professionally, and of course informed by my personal life. so because of my evolving boundaries, i don't comment. i am not here to school anybody, contrary to what one or two members may accuse me of.
anyway, so i have an educated and experienced opinion on those things. but it is still an opinion, cause for every phd that maintains that addiction is behavioral there is one that thinks it is chemical. see what i mean? my opinion is much more evolved but it is still an opinion. --read more >>

i have applied to two abortion clinics in the last two days that are hiring counselors. one of them required that applicants write a cover letter explaining why you are interested in the position, and why you think you would be a good candidate.
so, i wrote that and then found the thread that sophiesworld posted. so rather than continue to hijack, i thought, let's talk about abortion.
i have had two, both in highschool, both without a bit of hesitation. not only was it the wrong time for me, but i knew that the wrong people were the sperm donors. i have also had a miscarriage, that i knew was a miscarriage. there may have been one other, but that is a moot point. i only identify it in retrospect, at the time, i never thought of it. then, i spotted with vincent. at that point, it occurred to me, late one night, maybe you wasted the two times your body was supposed to be pregnant and now you are just fucked. that sounded like nonsense in my head the next morning, but in that tearful three am anxiety ridden moment, i think i second guessed my abortions. also, when it occurs to me that i would have a 20 year old and an 19 year old or therabouts (didn't keep track of the abortion dates), i feel both relief, and then of course now that i actually am a mom, i think, shit, i coulda done it. then i think of the certain deadbeat heroin addicted deeply flawed human beings that would be half of those imaginary kids genetics and i shudder and i am very thankful in that moment for roe v. wade ending up the way it did. --read more >>

ya know the tired old parable about the little boy whose dad tells him to hammer a nail into the fence every time he is angry, and to take one out every time he is sorry? then the little boy says, but daddy all the holes are still there? that sappy shit?
well, that is what i am thinking about this afternoon what with the starting what are bound to be incendiary blogs (not because of their topics, but their tone) and then deleting them when they go awry. the holes are still there.
throwing your half formed thoughts out there with the conviction that you are right is a very foolish thing to do. i learned this the hard way on this very forum. and i have deleted one heated blog of my own, which fits that very description. the mama and i who went at it worked it out. i learned alot from it. --read more >>

i was having a conversation with a fellow hipmama that made me start thinking about this, three or four trains of thought removed...
what do you teach your child/ren about what women are like? because, like it or not, we are contributing more hard data on that than any other source.
also, what is your s/o, if they are a different sex or gender than you, teaching your kids about what men are like?
i think that i am hypervigilant to a degree, having studied (too much?) early childhood development, therefore believing what i do about the mother/father imprint on children.
so, i think that i am teaching vincent some good things, and some not so good. i know that i am teaching him a non-traditional standard of beauty for women, not only because of my appearance, but because of my attitudes and behaviors around this cultures fucked up "fascist beauty standards". i know that i am not threatened by his independence and i am comfortable in my parenting style, grounded in science rather than anecdote, but also having a good dose of my own self-reflection. --read more >>

just went out for the mail...wow! so much! thank you sooooooo much, i am going in to see the girls on a volunteer basis since i graduated, and i am going in on thursday morning. they will be so happy to see these things, the baby girls really needed some things! thanks! you can def count your karma points today!

well, yes, it is five years down for mr. and mrs. punk.
our engagement picture

so, i think that marriage or partnership with legal ramifications is a marathon, i think you gotta be ready for bad times that last longer than a week or so, same for good times. i think people get in trouble when they forget that. i am divoced, don't get me wrong. if you are miserable, get it fucking over with. it just helps me to remember that i said till death. that is a long time, and i try not to lose my perspective. --read more >>

so here, let's have some fun, don't cheat! post the first one you get!

i am so doing this one, though.--read more >>

this is a link i wanted to share about creating celebrations with our families that ring true for each of us, rather than what everybody else is doing. it's a great article about all the holidays, actually, when you have made a choice to celebrate them secularly in a christianized world.
here it is

who the hell is this gorgeous, but GIGANTIC boy in my son's high chair?

OH MY BAD! that's my KID!
look at his legs. when did this happen?

ok so i made these for my four best girl friends, i was gonna do the kleenex box covers too but ran a little short on time and decided not to stress out. see? nothing is worth stressing out over just cause we are in the united $tate$ and it is the end of december.
hall of mirrors! (mirrors from the dollar store, three cans of cheap spray paint, three boxes of macaroni from the dollar store, and some aileen's tacky glue, mod podge, and glitter from my stash.)you do the math.
behold...john waters should be receiving one of these too...
--read more >>

a HO of felt-o-rama! just discovering this 20 cents a sheet joy! sue me, i went to art school, ok? i wasted years on high art.
my best mama friend has three girls...a daughter, a step-daughter, and a niece that she has permanent custody of. i love them all. here are their little gifties...wallets with gift cards inside for claire's, which is like, their favorite store.
for m, the angelic rebel. she is 10.

for w, the rock and roll rebel. she is 9. --read more >>

what a day, wow. i was cool until walking back after i was handed my degree and my angel, sitting on the aisle, smiled as i walked by and said "mama!"...choked up for a minute there.
anyway, that's all i have for today.

so tomorrow, i officially graduate. masters in professional counseling. i fell good about my decision to stop at the master's because now i know that i want my doctoral in the psychology of women, and not counseling psychology. so once i have time...haha.
anyway, i started this program as a doctoral student when vincent was 9 weeks old. i switched to the master's program in my second semester, because of the curriculum. trust me, i would love to be a student for two more years. going back to work and leaving vincent with, well, that is one of the hurdles yet to be crossed actually. childcare. affordable and safe. HA! i will no doubt be requesting vibes and emotional coddling when that rolls around. finding a job, i am not too worried about that. i have been in the field already about 5 years, i have met even more contacts in grad school. --read more >>