SunshineDaydream's blog

I know life isn't fair but...

Lately I've been hearing an ad for a weekend show on the radio. I'm usually in the car when I hear it but today I was at my desk. This guy's name is familiar. I wonder if it is who I think it is? Bingo! The younger brother of a childhood friend of my husband's. He was the one who represented one of my best-friends ex-husbands in their divorce and custody hearing. He did a good job for his client but it was in the worst interest of the children. Snake.

Then, last week there was a BIG country music festival up here in Minnesota. I don't follow country but there is a local-boy made good who is touring with Rascall Flats. Why do I care? He's my birthson's uncle. (Okay - I know he has no real responsibility for his brother's actions but stilll...)

Birthday Grats!

1. My very own cake. Baked by my mom and decorated by my daughter and her 9 yo cousin. Isn't it a beaut?
2. My mom - who took my daughter for the weekend!
3. My husband who made a nice weekend for me despite all the crap in our lives right now.
4. Remembering to brew my coffee last night so I could have iced coffee for breakfast.
5. Breakfast picnic this morning!
6. I think I am finally done bleeding from the m/c! Hooray!

Gotta Do Some Grats!

Cuz' even though I feel like I am paddling upstream in my life, I am actually feeling pretty good today:

1. Avoided speeding ticket yesterday evening. (Tickets have gotten really expensive - like $129.00!)
2. Day 3 of undies!!!
3. Husband is getting out of the house and playing in a golf tournament. He won't be home until after dark! Yay. He needs to get out and I need some time away from him.
4. My friend, D, is coming over for a glass of wine and a light dinner with S and I after work.
5. Coffee.
6. Weather was perfect this morning. Ahhhhh... I think we'll plan a picnic breakfast for tomorrow.

I don't get it = a little vent

It's been hot up here in our neck of the woods. Late yesterday afternoon some pretty big storms rolled in - hail and 60 mph winds in our neighborhood - and then quit about 7 p.m. when the sun starting peeking out.

So, I told S to put her shoes on that we were going to go out chasing rainbows and jumping in puddles.

She asked if Lucy (our dog) and daddy were coming. I said "Of course!" The dog was more than willing but my I had to twist my husbands arm! I just don't get how he would be unwilling to come outside with us for a half-hour to play. To just revel in the freshness after the storm. To see the joy on his daughters face as she skipped down the sidewalk and found every puddle on our block to jump in. Why would he want to just sit on his ass and watch the idiot box instead of spend time with S - on the days she goes to daycare we only spend 3 hours in the evening with her!

Another Feminine Product Rant

I am on week two of using pads and I am about to lose my frickin' mind. Actually, this rant is also going include the people who make the underwear that I am attaching said pads to.

First and foremost let me say that I haven't used pads on more than an occasional basis for 25 years and I am not any more impressed with them. Maybe I had to come from the era where they were attached to sting around my waist to think they've gotten any better?

Here is my problem:

I am a petite woman. I'm not quite 5 feet tall. I wear petite pants because my rise is shorter. So, I've got to believe that the exterior width of my vagina has to got to be petite, too. I have a hell of a time finding underwear that don't bunch in the middle (I have no clue what the technical term for that area is - but it is the area that usually has a cotton panel on it and spans the front to the back). I feel like the elastic is constantly pinching, rubbing and in-every-way-possible irritating the skin where the vagina and the leg meet.

Miscarriage/Taking a break

We've been without a landline or internet service for a couple of days due to vanadlism of our neighborhood routing site. Maybe that is okay. I needed some time with my own thoughts...

I went in for a CVS test on Monday morning and it was discovered that I had miscarried. My doctor's office squeezed me in for a quick consult and then the doctor managed to get me in for a D&C at the hospital that afternoon.

In the span of about 6 hours my husband and I went from giddy excitement to heartbreak.

Some of you know my history and some don't. This was an unexpected pregnancy. We're "reproductively" challenged. I'd worked though a lot of that grief and really felt at peace with our little family when I found myself pregnant. It seems like a cruel cosmic joke.

Oh - *&^%$#@!

I just called to check in with my husband. He told me that he'd just been fired and that they were standing over him while he cleared out his desk...

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It's official

January 20th is my due date.

I'll deliver about a week prior as it will be a scheduled c. (I don't want this to be controversial. This will be my third c. I'm okay with that. I have studied VBAC and I am not a good candidate. If you really want details pm and I will share them with you).

The doctor visit went fine. I really liked the ob who delivered S but she has moved. I seem to have good rapport with my new doc.

We have decided to have some testing due to my age.

In some ways, this pregnancy seems really surreal to me. With my first pregnancy, 15 yo, I hid it until I was 6 months pregnant. There is still a lot of shame and unresolved feelings there. With my second pregnancy, two years ago, I told anyone and everyone WAY early and I didn't care who knew. This time, I am being more guarded. Maybe the testing? Maybe that I knew some people would not be supportive? Maybe that I am somewhat ambivalent?

Johnny Jump Up - Wt. Limit?

S is here for a couple of hours in my office. She has spied her old jumper and insists on jumping in it. This was scored at a garage sale so I had no instructions. Any idea what a safe weight limit is?

Monarda?

How are things? Did you go to the doctor yesterday?

PM if ya want...

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